| Jokes 1012 |
EasyNews, UseNet made Ea .. |
| ::darkshadows:: (blood@thirsty.net) |
2008/10/12 01:13 |
In a small town in California there lived two boys, Shut-up and
Trouble. These boys were friends, but every once-in-awhile they would
get into a fight. One time after they had both just gotten ice-cream,
Trouble's ice-cream fell. Trouble then stole Shut-up's ice-cream and
ran away. Shut-up ran after Trouble but eventually lost him, sat on a
curb, and started to cry.
The officer got angry and asked the same question again and got the
same reply. Finally, he asked the same question and got the same reply
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There was a Kentucky redneck and an Ohio buckeye, fishing on their
respective sides of the Ohio river. Just as soon as the redneck put
his line in the water, he slung a fish onto the bank, and the buckeye
was catching nothing, so he yelled across to the redneck, ''Buddy, I'd
sure like to be on your side of the river!''
''Aight, tell ya whut, I'll shine my flashlight 'cross this river, and
you can walk across this little beam of light!'' the redneck yelled
back.
The buckeye replied, ''Hain't no way, buddy. I know you think I'm a
fool! When I get halfway 'cross, you'll turn your flashlight off!''
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A dying man gathered his best friends - a lawyer, doctor and clergyman
- at his bedside and handed each of them an envelope containing
$25,000 in cash. He made them each promise that after his death and
during his repose, they would place the three envelops in his coffin.
He told them that he wanted to have enough money to enjoy the next
life.
A week later the man died. At the wake, the lawyer and doctor and
clergyman each concealed an envelope in the coffin and bid their old
client and friend farewell.
By chance, these three met several months later. Soon the clergyman,
feeling guilty, blurted out a confession saying that there was only
$10,000 in the envelope he placed in the coffin. He felt, rather than
waste all the money, he would send it to a mission in South America.
He asked for their forgiveness.
The doctor, moved by the gentle Clergyman's sincerity, confessed that
he too had kept some of the money for a worthy medical charity. The
envelope, he admitted, had only $8000 in it. He said he too could not
bring himself to waste the money so frivolously when it could be used
to benefit others.
By this time the Lawyer was seething with self-righteous outrage. He
expressed his deep disappointment in the felonious behavior of two of
his oldest and most trusted friends. "I am the only one who kept my
promise to our dying friend. I want you both to know that the envelope
I placed in the coffin contained the full amount.
The other men looked down in embarrassment and the lawyer continued,
"Indeed, only I honored the deathbed wishes of our great friend. My
envelope contained my personal check for the entire $25,000."
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WARNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There is a new virus : Viagra !
It turns your 3.5'' floppy into a hard drive!!!
=====
Things Found Only In America
1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an
ambulance.
2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of
a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way
to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy
people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large
fries, and a diet Coke.
5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors to the vault open
and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in
the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls
and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we
didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns
in packages of eight.
9. Only in America......do we use the word "politics" to describe the
process so well: "poli" in Latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning
"bloodsucking creatures."
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with
Braille lettering.
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