| Jokes 1011 |
EasyNews, UseNet made Ea .. |
| ::darkshadows:: (blood@thirsty.net) |
2008/10/10 23:31 |
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From: "::darkshadows::" <blood@thirsty.net>
Newsgroups: alt.fan.rolex
Subject: Jokes 1011
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Date: Sat, 11 Oct 2008 05:31:52 GMT
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Q: Why are pubic hairs curly?
A: So you don't poke your eye out.
=====
Q: Why does a blonde nurse carry around a red pen?
A: To draw blood.
=====
Where do the characters go when I use my backspace or delete them on
my PC?
ANSWER: The characters go to different places, depending on whom you
ask:
The Buddhist explanation: If a character has lived rightly, and its
karma is good, then after it has been deleted it will be reincarnated
as a different, higher character. Those funny characters above the
numbers on your keyboard will become numbers, numbers will become
letters, and lower-case letters will become upper-case.
The 20th-century bitter cynical nihilist explanation: Who cares? It
doesn't really matter if they're on the page, deleted, undeleted,
underlined, etc. It's all the same.
The Mac user's explanation: All the characters written on a PC and
then deleted go to straight to PC hell. If you're using a PC, you can
probably see the deleted characters, because you're in PC hell also.
Stephen King's explanation: Every time you hit the (Del) key you
unleash a tiny monster inside the cursor, who tears the poor,
unsuspecting characters to shreds, drinks their blood, then eats them,
bones and all. Hah, hah, hah!
The Christian Church's approach to characters: The nice characters go
to Heaven, where they are bathed in the light of happiness. The
naughty characters are punished for their sins. Naughty characters are
those involved in the creation of naughty words, such as "breast,"
"sex," and contraception."
Dave Barry's explanation: The deleted characters are shipped to Battle
Creek, Michigan, where they're made into Pop-Tart filling; this
explains why Pop-Tarts are so flammable, while cheap imitations are
not flammable. I'm not making this up.
IBM's explanation: The characters are not real. They exist only on the
screen when they are needed, as concepts, so to delete them is merely
to de-conceptualize them. Get a life.
PETA's (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) explanation:
You've been DELETING them??? Can't you hear them SCREAMING??? Why
don't you go CLUB some BABY SEALS while wearing a MINK, you pig!!!!
=====
Two blondes are walking down the street when one of them looks down
and finds a mirror.
She picks it up, looks into it, and says, "WOW! I know this person.
I've seen this person somewhere before..."
The other blonde takes the mirror, looks into it, and says, "Duh, of
course you have. That's me!"
=====
A leprechaun and his friend walked into a bar one evening and began
ordering pitchers of beer. After a few pitchers, the leprechaun looked
around and saw a very large, mean-looking character sitting at the end
of the bar. With a smile, the leprechaun ran to the end of the bar and
stood in front of this guy. He laughed hysterically, stuck out his
tongue and spit all over the mean-looking fellow. Looking meaner and
madder than ever, he reached out to grab the obnoxious little
leprechaun, only to miss him as the leprechaun jumped up and ran back
to his seat next to his friend.
''If you know what's good for you, don't come near me again or I'll
rip off your little tallywagger!'' yelled the mean-looking man.
The leprechaun snickered and started on another pitcher of beer, while
his friend told him he thought it would be better not to harass this
guy again. A few pitchers of beer later, the leprechaun was beginning
to feel pretty intoxicated and fun-loving. Once again, he looked down
at the end of the bar and saw the same mean-looking man sitting there.
The leprechaun chuckled, ran to the end of the bar to stand in front
of the same man, began laughing hysterically, stuck out his tongue and
spit all over him again. The angry man reached out to grab the drunk
little leprechaun and was successful in capturing him.
''All right, I've got you this time. I warned you before that if you
came near me again I would rip off your little tallywagger and that is
what I intend to do!''
The leprechaun laughed again and said, ''You can't do that!''
''Why not?'' asked his captor.
''Because,'' giggled the leprechaun, ''Leprechauns don't have
tallywaggers!''
''Whadda ya mean you don't have a tallywagger?'' growled the angry
man, ''How in the hell do ya pee?''
''Just like this!'' laughed the leprechaun as he stuck out his tongue
and spit with all his might.
=====
A man walks in his room after work and is suprised to find his wife
lying naked on the bed. After careful examination he spies a pair of
bare feet sticking out from underneath the curtains. He rips open the
blinds to find a naked man standing there. 'Who the hell are you?' he
yells. The naked guy replies 'I'm the moth inspector' 'Oh, yeah? What
are you doing naked?' He looks down and exclaims 'Oh my God! I'm too
late!'
=====
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