| JOKES 1008 |
EasyNews, UseNet made Ea .. |
| ::darkshadows:: (blood@thirsty.net) |
2008/10/08 09:03 |
Path: news.nzbot.com!not-for-mail
From: "::darkshadows::" <blood@thirsty.net>
Newsgroups: alt.fan.rolex
Subject: JOKES 1008
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Date: Wed, 08 Oct 2008 15:03:52 GMT
Xref: news.nzbot.com alt.fan.rolex:7350
A very sick man is in the hospital, and on many drugs which give him
bowel problems. After many false alarms, he accidentally craps
himself.
Very embarrassed, he balls up the sheets and throws them out the
window, where a drunk is staggering on the way home. The drunk starts
flailing at the sheets, throwing his arms around wildly. A security
officer runs over, hearing the commotion.
"What's going on here?"
"I don't know, officer. But I think I just beat the crap out of a
ghost."
=====
A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who
immediately demanded an inspection of the place. While they were
walking through the barn, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up and
kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly.
At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the
casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that
whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod
his head "Yes" and say something. Whenever a man walked by and
whispered to the farmer, he would shake his head, "No" and mumble a
reply. Curious, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all
about.
The farmer replied, ''The women would say, 'What a terrible tragedy'
and I would nod my head and say, 'Yes, it was.' The men would ask,
'You wanna sell that mule?' and I would shake my head and say, 'Can't.
It's all booked up for a year.'"
=====
A little boy and his dad were walking down the street when they saw
home.
A few days later, the little boy walks in on his parents having sex.
=====
You know you're a redneck when people say you lie through your tooth!
=====
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
Such number as may be deemed necessary to perform the stated task in a
timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following
agreement. Whereas the party of the first part, also known as 'the
lawyers' and the party of the second part, also known as 'the light
bulb' do hereby agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second
part (light bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a
result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e. the
lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination ofthe area ranging
from the front (North) door, through the entryway, terminating at an
area just through the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning
of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the
party of the second part (light bulb) and not required by the
aforementioned agreement between the parties. The aforementioned
removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the
following steps:
1. The party of the first part (lawyer) shall, with or without
elevation at his option, by means of a chair, step stool, ladder or
any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part
(light bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (light bulb) in a
counter clockwise direction, said direction being non-negotiable. Said
grasping and rotation of the party of the second part (light bulb)
shall be undertaken by the party of the first part (lawyer) to
maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part
(light bulb), notwithstanding the aformentioned failure of the party
of the second part (light bulb) to perform the customary and agreed
upon duties. The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties
stipulate that structural failure of the party of the second part
(light bulb) may be incidental to the aforementioned failure to
perform and in such case the party of the first part (lawyer) shall be
held blameless for such structural failure insofar as the
non-negotiable directional codicil (counter-clockwise) is observed by
the party of the first part (lawyer) throughout.
2. Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (light
bulb) becomes seperated from the party of the third part
('receptacle'), the party of the first part shall have the option of
disposing of the party of the second part (light bulb) in a manner
consistent with all applicable state, local, and federal statutes.
3. Once seperation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the
first part (lawyer) shall have the option of beginning the
installation of the party of the fourth part ('new light bulb'). This
installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse
procedures described in step one of this self same document, being
careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise
direction, said direction also being non-negotiable and only until the
party of the fourth part (new light bulb) becomes snug in the party of
the third part (receptacle) and in fact becomes the party of the
second part (light bulb).
Note: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the
party of the first part (lawyer), by said party of the first part
(lawyer), or by his or her heirs and assigns, or by any and all
persons authorized by him or her to do som the objective being to
produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of the
aforementioned front (North) door consistent with maximisation of
ingress and revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as
'The Firm'.
=====
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