| JOKES 1005 |
EasyNews, UseNet made Ea .. |
| ::darkshadows:: (blood@thirsty.net) |
2008/10/05 09:51 |
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Subject: JOKES 1005
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Date: Sun, 05 Oct 2008 15:51:51 GMT
Xref: news.nzbot.com alt.fan.rolex:7343
Q: What do lawyers use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.
=====
There was a world famous painter who, in the prime of her career,
started losing her eyesight. Fearful that she might lose her life as a
painter, she went to see the best eye surgeon in the world. After
several weeks of delicate surgery and therapy, her eyesight was
restored. The painter was so grateful that she decided to show her
gratitude by repainting the doctor's office. Part of her work included
painting a gigantic eye on one wall. When she had finished her work,
she held a press conference to unveil her latest work of art: the
doctor's office. During the press conference, one reporter noticed the
eye on the wall, and asked the doctor, ''What was your first reaction
upon seeing your newly painted office, especially that large eye on
the wall?''
''Thank God I'm not a gynecologist.''
=====
Two guys were working at a sawmill one day when one of the guys got
too close to the blade and cut off his arm. His buddy put the severed
arm in a plastic bag and rushed it down to the hospital to get
re-attached. The next day he goes to see his chum, and finds him
playing tennis. "Incredible!," says his friend. "Medical science is
amazing."
Another month goes by and the same two guys are again at the sawmill
working when the same guy gets too close to the spinning blade and
this time his leg gets cut off. Again his buddy takes the leg, puts it
in a plastic bag and takes it to the hospital to get re-attached. The
next day, he goes down to see his chum and finds him outside playing
football. "Incredible!," says his friend. "Medical science is
amazing!"
Well another month goes by and again the same two friends are at the
mill cutting wood when suddenly the same guy bends down too close to
the blade and off comes his head. Well his friend takes the head, puts
it in a plastic bag, and heads to the hospital to get it re-attached.
The next day he goes to see his friend but can't find him. He sees the
doctor walking down the hall and says, "Doc, where is my friend? I
brought him in yesterday." The doctor thinks for a minute and says,
"Oh yeah, some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated."
=====
There once was a man who decided to go scuba diving one day. So he
went to the deepest part of the beach, got on his gear, and went
underwater. He decides to go down 20 feet, and there he sees another
guy with no equipment on. The man thought this was strange but we
forgot about it and went down another 20 feet. There, he sees the same
guy down there with no gear on. But the man decided to forget about it
and go down another 20 feet. When he does, he sees the same guy 60
feet underwater with no gear on. Finally the man writes a note asking
this guy how he can go so deep underwater without any gear. The guy
writes back, ''Because I'm drowning, asshole!''
=====
Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?
Because it had no body to go with.
=====
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