| Jokes 927 |
EasyNews, UseNet made Ea .. |
| ::darkshadows:: (blood@thirsty.net) |
2008/09/26 22:46 |
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From: "::darkshadows::" <blood@thirsty.net>
Newsgroups: alt.fan.rolex
Subject: Jokes 927
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Date: Sat, 27 Sep 2008 04:46:17 GMT
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A doctor at an (insane) asylum decided to take his inmates to a
baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to
respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived, everything
seemed to be going well.
As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, ''Up nuts!''
And the inmates complied by standing up. After the anthem he yelled,
''Down nuts!'' And they all sat.
After a home run he yelled, ''Cheer nuts!'' And they all broke into
applause and cheers.
Thinking things were going very well, he decided to go get a beer and
a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge.
When he returned there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant,
he asked what happened.
The assistant replied, ''Well...everything was fine until some guy
walked by and yelled, ''PEANUTS!''
=====
Bill was in the hospital for a complete check-up. At 11:00AM, they
brought him soup for lunch. He refused it. At 2:00PM, they again tried
to serve him some soup, which he refused.
Again, at 5:00PM and 7:00PM, they tried, and both times Bill turned
down the soup, so they gave up. In preparation for the next day's
test, they entered his room at 3:00AM, 4:30AM, and 6:00AM and gave him
an enema each time.
When Bill got home from the hospital after the tests, he told his
wife, "Whatever you do, if you go to that hospital and they try to
serve you soup, take it! If you refuse it, they sneak in while you're
asleep and shove it up your butt!
=====
Two doctors are in the hallway complaining about nurse Nancy.
''She's out of control!'' the first doctor says. ''She does everything
backwards. Just last week I told her to give a man two milligrams of
morphine every ten hours, she gave him 10 milligrams every two hours,
he almost died!''
her to give a man an enema every 24 hours, she tried to give him 24
enemas in one hour!''
All of a sudden they heard a blood curdling scream from down the
hallway.
''OH MY GOD! I just realized that I told nurse Nancy to prick Mr.
Smiths boil!'''
=====
Top Ten Caddy Comments
Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"
Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."
Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."
Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?"
Caddy: "Eventually."
Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a
coincidence."
Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much
of a distraction."
Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass."
Golfer: "How do you like my game?"
Caddy: "Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf."
Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?"
Caddy: "The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day."
Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on."
Caddy: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago."
Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old."
Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir."
=====
English Rugby
The England team's training session was delayed on Wednesday for
nearly two hours at Twickenham.
One of the players, while on his way back to the dressing room
happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown white
powdery substance at the end of the field.
Coach Clive Woodward immediately suspended practice while the Police
were called in to investigate.
After a complete field analysis, the Police determined that the white
substance, unknown to the players, was the try line. Practice was
resumed when the officials decided that it was unlikely that the team
would encounter the substance again.
=====
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