A bear walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. The
bartender says, ''Sorry, we don't give beer to bears in bars.''
The bear replies, ''If you don't give me a beer, I'll eat that lady
over there.''
The bartender says, ''Go ahead.''
So the bear eats the lady and asks for a beer. The bartender says,
''Sorry, we don't give beer to bears on drugs.''
''What do mean,'' says the bear. ''I'm not on drugs.''
''Yes, you are, that was the barbituate.''
=====
There were two men sitting on a wall outside a pub called the Queen's
=====
'My God! What happened to you?'' the bartender asked Kelly as he
hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast.
''I got in a tiff with Riley.''
''Riley? He's just a wee fellow,'' the barkeep said, surprised. ''He
must have had something in his hand.''
''That he did,'' Kelly said. ''A shovel it was.''
''Dear Lord. Didn't you have anything in your hand?''
''Aye, that I did -- Mrs. Riley's tit.'' Kelly said. ''And a beautiful
thing it was, but not much use in a fight.''
=====
An insect falls into a mug of beer.
English Man: Throws his mug of bear on the floor and walks out.
American Man: Takes out the insect and drinks tbe beer.
Chinese Man: Eats the insect and throws the beer.
Indian Man: Sells the insect to the Chinese and the beer to the
Englishman and buys himself a new mug of beer.
Pakistani Man: Accuses the Indian of throwing the insect into his mug,
relates the issue to Kashmir, asks the Chinese for military aid and
takes a loan to buy another mug of beer.
=====
Two drunk guys stumble out of a bar and get into their car. After
they've been driving for a while, they see a ghostly face appear at
the window.
"It's a ghost, dude!"
"Roll down the window, ask him what he wants!" The driver rolls down
the window, and asks the ghost.
"You got a smoke?" They give him a smoke, and the face goes away. A
few minutes later, the face returns.
"You got a light?" They give a light, and the face goes away. A few
minutes later, the face returns.
"You guys need help getting out the mud?"
=====
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