| Jokes 914 |
EasyNews, UseNet made Ea .. |
| ::darkshadows:: (blood@thirsty.net) |
2008/09/14 01:15 |
A woman goes into a restaurant in a small town in the South. She
orders some chicken and starts to eat. Eating too fast, she starts to
choke on a chicken bone. Buford and Buck, two country boys in the next
booth, notice she is choking. So they get up and go over to help her.
Buford drops his coveralls and bends over and then Buck starts licking
his butt. The choking woman watches these two go at it and is so
grossed out that she launches foward and throws up all over the place,
dislodging the chicken bone from her throat. Buford pulls his overalls
back up and says to Buck, "You're right,that 'hind-lick' maneuver
works like a charm."
==========
Y'might be a redneck if ya hear a triangle at the opera n' say "It's
time fer dinner?"
==========
You might be a redneck if you have to take your hat off so your wife
can fit into the truck with you.
==========
You might be a redneck if you're mowing your lawn and find a car.
==========
Redneck Driver's License Application
Last name: ________________
First name (check appropriate box):
[_] Billy-Bob
[_] Bobby-Sue
[_] Billy-Joe
[_] Bobby-Jo
[_] Billy-Ray
[_] Bobby-Ann
[_] Billy-Sue
[_] Bobby-Lee
[_] Billy-Mae
[_] Bobby-Ellen
[_] Billy-Jack
[_] Bobby-Beth-Ann
Age: ____ (if unsure, guess)
Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ Not sure
Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right
Occupation:
[_] Farmer
[_] Mechanic
[_] Hair Dresser
[_] Waitress
[_] Unemployed
[_] Dirty Politician
Spouse's Name: __________________________
2nd Spouse's Name: _________________________
3rd Spouse's Name: _________________________
Lover's Name: ____________________________
2nd Lover's Name: __________________________
Relationship with spouse:
[_] Sister [_] Aunt
[_] Brother
[_] Uncle
[_] Mother
[_] Son
[_] Father
[_] Daughter
[_] Cousin
[_] Pet
Number of children living in household: ___
Number of children living in shed: ___
Number of children that are yours: ___
Mother's Name: _______________________
Father's Name: _______________________
(If not sure, leave blank)
Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
Do you [_] own or [_] rent your mobile home?
Vehicles you own and where you keep them:
___ Total number of vehicles you own
___ Number of vehicles that still crank
___ Number of vehicles in front yard
___ Number of vehicles in back yard
___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks
Firearms you own and where you keep them:
____ truck
____ kitchen
____ bedroom
____ bathroom
____ shed
Model of your pickup: _____________
Year pickup produced: 194____
Do you have a gun rack?
[_] Yes [_] No; If no, please explain:_________________________
Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
[_] The National Enquirer
[_] The Globe
[_] MAXIM
[_] TV Guide
[_] Soap World
[_] Rifle and Shotgun
___ Number of times you've seen a UFO
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO
How often do you bathe:
[_] Weekly
[_] Monthly
[_] Not Applicable
How many teeth? ___
Color of teeth:
[_] Yellow
[_] Brownish-Yellow
[_] Brown
[_] Black
[_] N/A
Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
[_] Red-Man
How far is your home from a paved road?
[_] 1 mile
[_] 2 miles
[_] don't know
==========
|
|
|