| Jokes 911 |
EasyNews, UseNet made Ea .. |
| ::darkshadows:: (blood@thirsty.net) |
2008/09/11 07:57 |
A Catholic, a Baptist, and a Mormon are bragging about the size of
their families.
"I have four boys and my wife is expecting another. One more son and
I'll have a basketball team!" said the Catholic.
"That's nothing!'' said the Baptist. ''I have ten boys now, and my
wife is pregnant with another child. One more son and I'll have a
football team!"
"You both should be ashamed of yourselves!'' said the Mormon. ''I have
seventeen wives. One more and I'll have a golf course!"
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The other day, my friends and I went to this Ladies Night Club. One of
the girls wanted to impress us, so she pulled out a $10 bill. The
dancer came over to us, and my friend licked the $10 and stuck it on
his butt.
Not to be outdone, my other friend pulled out a $50 bill. She called
the guy back over, licked the $50 bill and stuck it on his other butt
cheek.
Now the attention was focused on me. What could I do to top that? I
got out my wallet and thought for a minute. Then the banker in me took
over. I got my ATM card, swiped it down his crack, grabbed the 60
bucks, and went home.
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Actual Medical Chart Notes
Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
On the second day, the knee was better, and then on the third day it
disappeared.
The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be
depressed.
Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission.
Healthy-appearing decrepit, 69-year-old male, mentally alert but
forgetful.
The patient refused autopsy.
The patient has no previous history of suicides.
Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only
a 40-pound weight gain in the last three days.
She is numb from her toes down.
Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical
therapy.
Skin: somewhat pale but present.
The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is about to lie?
His lips start moving.
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Q: How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Four: one to climb the ladder, one to hold the ladder, one to shake
the ladder and one to sue the ladder company.
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