| Jokes 908 |
EasyNews, UseNet made Ea .. |
| ::darkshadows:: (blood@thirsty.net) |
2008/09/07 22:34 |
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From: "::darkshadows::" <blood@thirsty.net>
Newsgroups: alt.fan.rolex
Subject: Jokes 908
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Date: Mon, 08 Sep 2008 04:34:00 GMT
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Sister Mary Katherine lived in a convent, a block away from Jack's
liquor store. One day, in walked Sister Mary Katherine and she said,
"Oh Jack, give me a pint o' the brandy."
"Sister Mary Katherine," exclaimed Jack, "I could never do that! I've
never sold alcohol to a nun in my life!"
"Oh Jack," she responded, "it's only for the Mother Superior." Her
voice dropped. "It helps her constipation, you know."
So, Jack sold her the brandy. Later that night Jack closed the store
and walked home. As he passed the convent, who should he see but
Sister Mary Katherine; and she was snookered. She was singing and
dancing, whirling around and flapping her arms like a bird, right
there on the sidewalk. A crowd was gathering, so Jack pushed through
and exclaimed, "Sister Mary Katherine! For shame! You told me this was
for the Mother Superior's constipation!"
Sister Mary Katherine didn't miss a beat as she replied: "And so it
is, me lad, so it is. When she sees me, she's going to shit!"
==========
Two blondes are shopping at the mall. When they are done they go out
to their car, which happens to be an awesome leather interior
convertible. When they get to the car, they realize they had locked
the keys in the car. So they both kind of stand there and think for a
while.
Finally one gets am idea to try to open the car with a hanger. So the
first blonde starts fiddling with the lock with the hanger. The other
blonde looks up at the sky and suddenly becomes very worried.
"HURRY, HURRY," she urges. "IT'S GOING TO RAIN AND WE LEFT THE TOP
DOWN!"
==========
There was a woman who wanted to repaint her house, so she called the
contractor and set an appointment to meet with him. When the
contractor came to her house they did a walk-through and he asked her
what colors she would like. They came to the living room and she told
him that she would like a nice, warm cream color. The contractor wrote
something down on his pad, then walked to the window and yelled,
''Greenside up.'' The lady is a little confused, but doesn't say
anything, and they continue to the dining room where she tells him,
''I would like a nice warm white in here, nothing stark.'' The
contractor writes something down on his pad, then walks to the window
and again yells, ''Greenside up!'' The lady is really confused now but
still does not say anything. They continue to her bedroom and she
says, ''I would like a nice, cool, relaxing blue in here.'' The
contractor writes something on his pad and again walks to the window
and yells, ''Greenside up.'' The woman is now totally perplexed and
says to the contractor, ''Three times I have told you the color that I
want, and you write something on your pad, then you walk to the window
and yell greenside up. What is going on?'' The contractor replies,
''You see, I have four blondes laying sod across the street.''
==========
One day, a blonde went to go get lessons on how to fly a plane. The
guy at the airport said there were no more plane flying lessons this
year but she could take helicopter lessons. The blonde agreed and the
man taught her and said, "I'll radio you every 1000 feet you go in the
air." The blonde agreed.
He jumped in and took off. At 1000 feet, she radioed him and asked how
she was doing. He said she was doing great. At 2000 feet, she radioed
him and asked how she was doing. He said she was doing great. But
right before she got to 3000 feet, the propeller stopped and she
started twirling to the ground. When she landed, he went over to pull
her out of the helicopter. He asked her what went wrong because she
was doing perfect before. The blonde said, ''At 2500 feet, I started
to get cold so I turned the big fan off.''
==========
How did the blonde die raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree!
==========
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