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From: "::darkshadows::" <blood@thirsty.net>
Newsgroups: alt.fan.rolex
Subject: Jokes 831
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Date: Sun, 31 Aug 2008 06:41:28 GMT
Xref: news.nzbot.com alt.fan.rolex:7238
A man who was having heart trouble went to the doctor to see what his
options were. Naturally, the doctor recommended a heart transplant.
The man reluctantly agreed, and asked if there were any hearts
immediately available, considering that money was no object.
"I do have three hearts," said the doctor. "The first is from an
18-year old kid, non-smoker, athletic, swimmer, with a great diet. He
hit his head on the swimming pool and died. It's $100,000. The second
is from a marathon runner, 25 years old, great condition, very strong.
He got hit by a bus. It's $150,000. The third is from a heavy drinker,
cigar smoker, steak lover. It's $500,000."
"Hey, why is that heart so expensive? He lived a terrible life!"
"Yes, but it's from a laywer. It's never been used."
==========
A concerned husband goes to see the family doctor and says, "I think
my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time I say
something, in fact, I often have to repeat things over and over
again."
"Well," the doctor replies, "go home and tonight and stand about 15
feet from her and say something. If she doesn't reply, move about five
feet closer and say it again. Keep doing this so we can get an idea
about the severity of her deafness."
Sure enough, the husband goes home and does exactly as instructed. He
starts off about 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen and as she is
chopping some vegetables, he says, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
He gets no response. He moves about five feet closer and asks again.
No reply. He moves five feet closer. Still no reply. He gets fed up
and moves right behind her, about an inch away, and asks again,
"Honey, what's for dinner?"
She replies, "For the fourth time, vegetable stew!"
==========
A man and and a woman from Alabama don't want any more children
because they already have 11. So the husband goes to a doctor in Ohio.
The doctor asks, "What state are you from?
The man say,s "Alabama." The doctor tells him to go home, put a lit
cherry bomb in an empty soda can, hold it in his hand, and count to
10. The husband isn't so sure of this, so he goes to another doctor,
this time in California.
When that doctor finds out that the husband is from Alabama, he tells
him the exact same thing that the doctor in Ohio told him. The husband
figures that the doctors must be right.
So he goes home, puts a lit cherry bomb in a soda can, and starts to
count. ''1...2...3...4...5...'' The husband takes the soda can and
puts it between his legs to continue counting on his fingers on his
right hand. ''6...7...8...9...''
==========
There was a woman who was interested in getting a boob job, so she
went to her doctor, Dr. Smith and questioned him about implants. He
explained that, before you do anything too serious, there is a method
that has worked for a lot of my patients. Every morning when you wake
up rub your boobs and say ''Scoobie doobie doobie, give me bigger
boobies.'' She did this faithfully for weeks and noticed one day that
they actually were getting bigger, she was very impressed.
One morning she woke up, late for work and very rushed. By the time
she got on the bus she realized that she forgot to go through her
routine. So standing on the bus, while rubbing her boobs she says
''Scoobie doobie doobie, give me bigger boobies''. The man standing
next to her says, ''You go to Dr. Smith?'' ''Yes,'' she said, ''how
did you know?'' He replies ''Hickory dickory dock!''
==========
A woman goes to a psychiatrist and says, ''Doctor, you've got to do
something about my husband -- he thinks he's a refrigerator!''
''I wouldn't worry too much about it,'' the doctor replies. 'Lots of
people have harmless delusions. It will pass.''
''But you don't understand,'' the woman insists. ''He sleeps with his
mouth open, and the little light keeps me awake.''
==========
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