| Jokes 828 |
EasyNews, UseNet made Ea .. |
| ::darkshadows:: (blood@thirsty.net) |
2008/08/28 00:07 |
It's Saturday morning and Bob's just about to set off on a round of
golf, when he realizes that he forgot to tell his wife that the guy
who fixes the washing machine is coming around at noon. So Bob heads
back to the clubhouse and phones home.
"Hello?" says a little girl's voice.
"Hi, honey, it's Daddy," says Bob. "Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank."
After a brief pause, Bob says, "But you haven't got an Uncle Frank,
honey!"
"Yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy!"
"Okay, then. Here's what I want you do. Put down the phone, run
upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout in to Mommy and Uncle
Frank that my car's just pulled up outside the house."
"Okay, Daddy!" A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the
phone. "Well, I did what you said, Daddy."
"And what happened?"
"Well, Mommy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around
screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went out the front window
and now she's all dead."
"Oh, my God! What about Uncle Frank?"
"He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too, and he was all scared
and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool. But he must
have forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so
he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now he's dead too."
There is a long pause.
"Swimming pool? Is this 854-7039?"
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Top 20 Reasons Why Chocolate Is Better Than Sex
20) With chocolate size doesn't matter; it's always good.
19) When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbors awake.
18) You are never too young or too old for chocolate.
17) You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.
16) Good chocolate is easy to find.
15) You can have chocolate at any time of the month.
14) Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.
13) With chocolate there's no need to fake it.
12) You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
11) You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face
slapped.
10) You can have chocolate on top of your desk during working hours
without upsetting your coworkers.
9) The word ''commitment'' doesn't scare off chocolate.
8) Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called
nasty names.
7) If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind.
6) You can have chocolate in front of your mother.
5) You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
4) You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
3) Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
2) ''If you love me you'll swallow that'' has real meaning with
chocolate.
1) You can get chocolate.
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What do you call a blonde in an institute for higher learning?
A visitor.
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There was an Aggie, a Longhorn, and a Bug Eater. They attempted to rob
a bank but got caught. They went to court and were sentenced to the
electric chair.
The guys operating it told them that if they survived they were free
to go. The Longhorn went first. They asked him if he had any last
words to say. He told them no. He pressed the button and nothing
happened so he was free to go.
The bug eater went next. They asked him if he had any last words to
say. He said no and pressed the button. Nothing happened and he was
free to go.
The Aggie went next. They asked him if he had any last words.
"I think if you plug the chair in it will work better."
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