| Jokes 826 |
EasyNews, UseNet made Ea .. |
| ::darkshadows:: (blood@thirsty.net) |
2008/08/26 01:23 |
Seasick
Mr. Johnson had been retired for a year when his wife of fifty years
suggested they take a cruise: "We could go somewhere for a week, and
make wild love like we did when we were young!" He thought it over and
agreed.
He put on his hat and went down to the pharmacy, where he bought a
bottle of seasick pills and a box of condoms. Upon returning home, his
wife said ''I've been thinking. There is no reason we can't go for a
month." So Mr. Johnson went back to the pharmacy and asked for twelve
bottles of seasick pills and a box of condoms. When he returned his
wife said, ''You know, since the children are on their own, what's
stopping us from cruising the world?"
So back to the pharmacy he went, and brought 297 bottles of seasick
pills and the same amount of condoms up to the counter. The pharmacist
finally had to ask.
"You know, Mr. Johnson, you have been doing business with me for over
thirty years. I certainly don't mean to pry, but if it makes you that
sick, why the hell do you do it?"
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A Real Ball Buster
"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated."
"What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement.
"It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to
have it done" replies Steve.
"But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor, "It's a
very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It
will change your life forever!"
"I'm aware of that and you're not going to change my mind -- either
you book me in to be castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor."
"Well, OK.", says the doctor, "But it's against my better judgment!"
So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very
slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand.
Heading towards him is another patient, who is walking exactly the
same way.
"Hi there," says Steve,"It looks as if you've just had the same
operation as me."
"Well," said the patient, "I finally decided after 37 years of life
that I would like to be circumcised."
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Why English Is So Hard To Learn
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to
present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
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Red Ribbon Blue Ribbon
This lady goes to a vet and learns that that if you put a ribbon
around a snoring dog's penis he'll roll over and stop snoring. The
next night her dog is snoring so she goes to the kitchen and gets a
red ribbon and ties it around her dog's penis. His snoring stopped.
Later on that night her husband is snoring and so she goes to the
kitchen and gets a blue ribbon and ties it around her husband's penis,
and he stops snoring. The next morning her husband wakes up and looks
at his dog and looks down at himself.
"I don't know what happened last night, but we came in first and
second."
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A Woman's Four Favorite Animals
A mink in the closet
A Jaguar in the garage
A tiger in the bedroom
And an ass to pay for it all!
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