| Re: Joke Time 822 |
EasyNews, UseNet made Ea .. |
| ::darkshadows:: (blood@thirsty.net) |
2008/08/23 08:21 |
Path: news.nzbot.com!not-for-mail
From: "::darkshadows::" <blood@thirsty.net>
Newsgroups: alt.fan.rolex
Subject: Re: Joke Time 822
Message-ID: <d570b4pfkb8h8jtsv7lkp8rtdj1kiakrsc@4ax.com>
References: <2mtua4t09u8out4dkk0i8s16hgto5se9vv@4ax.com> <Xns9B0340F2E746BoyFlyingHighcom@140.99.99.130> <sgbva49ch92sm1j5thfjpbjf9s6kad3acg@4ax.com> <gonefishin-68AB11.09234523082008@unknown.ams.astraweb.com>
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Date: Sat, 23 Aug 2008 14:21:09 GMT
Xref: news.nzbot.com alt.fan.rolex:7211
On Sat, 23 Aug 2008 09:23:46 +0200, wlg <gonefishin@thelake.com>
wrote:
>In article <sgbva49ch92sm1j5thfjpbjf9s6kad3acg@4ax.com>,
> "::darkshadows::" <blood@thirsty.net> wrote:
>
>> On Sat, 23 Aug 2008 05:23:05 GMT, WingedMessenger <Boy@FlyingHigh.com>
>> wrote:
>>
>> >"::darkshadows::" <blood@thirsty.net> wrote in
>> >news:2mtua4t09u8out4dkk0i8s16hgto5se9vv@4ax.com:
>> >
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>
>> >> How does Osama bin Laden practice safe sex?
>> >>
>> >> He marks the camels that kick.
>> >>
>> >>
>> >> ==========
>> >>
>> >>
>> >> A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five
>> >> iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him
>> >> what happened.
>> >>
>> >> "Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when she sliced
>> >> her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it and while I
>> >> was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at
>> >> its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail and sure enough,
>> >> there was my wife's golf ball... stuck right in the middle of the
>> >> cow's butt. "That's when I made my mistake."
>> >>
>> >> "What did you do?" asks the doctor.
>> >>
>> >> "Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, Hey, this looks like
>> >> yours!"
>> >>
>> >>
>> >> ==========
>> >>
>> >>
>> >> A man was visiting Spain and passed by a restaurant in Madrid after a
>> >> bullfight. They were advertising that they served the balls of the
>> >> bull who lost the bullfight. Intrigued, the man went inside, only to
>> >> find that where was a six-week waiting list to get to eat the loser's
>> >> balls. So he signed up and came back six weeks later. When he got his
>> >> meal, there were two teeny, teeny balls on his plate. He called the
>> >> waiter over to complain.
>> >>
>> >> "I've waited six weeks for bull balls. What are these?"
>> >>
>> >> "Sir," the waiter said, "the bull doesn't always lose."
>> >>
>> >>
>> >> ==========
>> >>
>> >>
>> >> Larry, a local football star, is jogging down the street when he sees
>> >> a building on fire. A lady is standing on a third story ledge holding
>> >> her pet cat in her arms.
>> >>
>> >> "Hey, lady", yells Larry, "Throw me the cat!"
>> >>
>> >> "No," she cries, "It's too far!"
>> >>
>> >> "I play football, I can catch him"
>> >>
>> >> The smoke is pouring from the windows, and finally, the woman waves to
>> >> Larry, kisses her cat goodbye, and tosses it down to the street.
>> >>
>> >> Larry keeps his eye on the cat as it comes hurtling down toward him.
>> >> The feline bounces off an awning and Larry runs into the street to
>> >> catch it. He jumps six feet into the air and makes a spectacular one
>> >> handed catch. The crowd that has gathered to watch the fire breaks
>> >> into cheers.
>> >>
>> >> Larry does a little dance, lifts the cat above his head, wiggles his
>> >> knees back and forth, then spikes the cat into the pavement.
>> >>
>> >>
>> >> ==========
>> >>
>> >>
>> >> A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help.
>> >> The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog
>> >> down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body
>> >> and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is
>> >> dead. The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this,
>> >> demands a second opinion.
>> >>
>> >> The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the
>> >> cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from
>> >> head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at
>> >> the vet and meows. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but
>> >> the cat thinks that your dog is dead too."
>> >>
>> >> The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.
>> >>
>> >> The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body, walks
>> >> from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks. The vet
>> >> looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is
>> >> dead too."
>> >>
>> >> The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks
>> >> how much he owes. The vet answers, "$650."
>> >>
>> >> "$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaimed the man....
>> >>
>> >> "Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my
>> >> initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab
>> >> tests."
>> >>
>> >>
>> >> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>> >>
>> >>
>> >
>> >OMG was it worth having the comp repaired LOL.
>> >
>> >Mercury.
>>
>>
>> May Apis mistake you for a member of his harem.
>>
>>
>> darkshadows
>
>Excellent set, ds, much funnier than the paintings!
An art critic in every bunch.
LOL,
darkshadows
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