"::darkshadows::" <blood@thirsty.net> wrote in
news:0obo645lrrgc98ib7vq7fikqlda0an6m8c@4ax.com:
>
>
> Fitness freaks beware
>
>
> My kind of : MEDICAL ADVICE
>
> Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this
> true?
> A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't
> waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up
> your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can
> extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer?
> Take a nap.
>
> Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
> A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay
> and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more
> than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.
> Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass
> (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your
> recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
>
> Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
> A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine,
> that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even
> more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms
> up!
>
> Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
> A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to
> one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
>
> Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
> exercise program?
> A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy
> is: No Pain...Good!
>
> Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
> A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods are fried these days in
> vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting
> more vegetables be bad for you?
>
> Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
> middle?
> A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You
> should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
>
> Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
> A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the
> best feel-good food around!
>
> Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
> A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
>
> Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
> A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
>
> Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
> about food and diets. And remember:
> "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of
> arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather
> to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other
> - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO,
> What a Ride"
>
> AND...... For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final
> word on nutrition and health.
>
> It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting
> nutritional studies.
> 1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks
> than Americans.
> 2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than
> Americans.
> 3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart
> attacks than Americans.
> 4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks
> than Americans.
> 5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats
> and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
>
> CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is
> apparently what kills you.
>
>
Ony if you cant spell correctly LOL.
Mercury.
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