| More shots at the British Military.... |
EasyNews, UseNet made Ea .. |
| ::darkshadows:: (blood@thirsty.net) |
2008/06/29 14:29 |
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From: "::darkshadows::" <blood@thirsty.net>
Newsgroups: alt.fan.rolex
Subject: More shots at the British Military....
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Date: Sun, 29 Jun 2008 20:29:45 GMT
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The COs Morning Brief
The Commanding Officer of a well known Regiment was about to start the
morning briefing to his staff. While waiting for the coffee machine to
finish brewing, he decided to pose a question to all assembled. He
explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he
failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question
of just how much of sex was 'work' and how much of it was 'pleasure'?
The CO's ADC chimed in with 75-25% in favour of work.
A Captain said it was 50-50%.
A young Lieutenant responded with 25-75% in favour of pleasure, which
could vary depending on his state of inebriation at the time.
There being no concensus, the CO turned to the Regimental Sergeant
Major who was in charge of making the coffee. What was HIS opinion?
With no hesitation the sage responded, "Sir, it has to be 100%
pleasure"
The Colonel was surprised and, as you might guess, asked why?
"Well Sir," began the RSM, "if there was any work involved, the
officers would have me doing it for them."
=====
The French
What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands in the air?
The army.
...................................................................................
How many French troops does it take to defend Paris?
We don't know, it hasn't been tried yet.
....................................................................................
I joined the French army yesterday.
Was a bit confused though - the body armour only covers the back.
.....................................................................................
Have you seen those French Army Knives?
No scissors or tweezers, just 6 corkscrews and a white flag.
.....................................................................................
What's the first thing the French army teaches at basic training?
How to surrender in at least 10 languages.
.....................................................................................
What's the difference between Frenchmen and toast?
You can make soldiers out of toast.
=====
Just had to look!
HMS Invincible returns from 6 month Op tour and as she docks the
Captain informs all the sailors they have 48 HRS shore leave whilst
the vessel is replenished, ready to sail back to sea for another 6
months!
All the sailors happily leave the ship and do everything they
shouldnt.
48 HRS later the sailors are re boarding the ship and as they are
there is a nun at the doorway blessing them before they leave. One
sailor grabs the nun and begs her to help him evade another tour.
She reluctantly helps by hiding him under her skirt whilst the ship
sails. When he comes out he thanks her and then informs her that he
has a confession to which she replies, The lord will forgive. He goes
on to tell her that whils hiding he cold not help but see her
knickers!
The nun replies, dont fear my son, if you had pulled them aside you
would have seen my bollocks cos i didnt want to go either!
=====
Ballbearings
A Government Scientist, a Diplomat and a Squaddie are captured by the
Russains (20 year old joke) and are taken to remote Siberian prision.
After a week in solitary, they are brought one by one in front of the
prision governer, a man bored and almost permanently pissed. To each
he gives the challenge: "Tonight I will give you 3 x 2cm steel ball
bearings, go back to your cells and prepare a trick to show me
tomorrow, if yours is the best trick I will let you go free"
The three retire to their cells with their ball bearings, the next
morning the Diplomat is up first.
"Have you got a trick for me?"
"Yes, I have developed a method of standing 3 x 2cm steel ball
bearings one on top of each other so they stand in an unsupported
column!!" The Diplomat shows his trick and is warmly congratulated by
the Governer.
The next up is the Government Scientist:
"Have you got a trick for me?"
"Yes, I have developed a method of standing 3 x 2cm steel ball
bearings one on top of each other so they stand in an unsupported
column AT AN ANGLE OF 45 DEGREES!!" The Scientist shows his trick and
is warmly congratulated by the Governer.
Last up is the Squaddie
"Have you got a trick for me?"
"No!"
"What do you mean, No?"
"No, no trick!"
"What have you done with your three ball bearings?"
"Well..... I broke two and lost one!!"
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