The new Ensign was assigned to subs, where he'd dreamed
of working since a young boy. He was trying to impress
the Master Chief with his expertise learned in Sub School.
The Master Chief cut him off quickly and said, "Listen, 'sir',
it's real simple. Add the number of times we dive to the
number of times we surface. Divide that number by two.
If the result doesn't come out even, don't open the hatch."
=====
It was a dark, stormy, night. The Marine was on his first
assignment, and it was guard duty.
A General stepped out taking his dog for a walk. The nervous
young Private snapped to attention, made a perfect salute,
and snapped out "Sir, Good Evening, Sir!"
The General, out for some relaxation, returned the salute
and said "Good evening soldier, nice night, isn't it?"
Well it wasn't a nice night, but the Private wasn't going to
disagree with the General, so the he saluted again and
replied "Sir, Yes Sir!".
The General continued, "You know there's something about a
stormy night that I find soothing, it's really relaxing.
Don't you agree?"
The Private didn't agree, but them the private was just a
private, and responded "Sir, Yes Sir!"
The General, pointing at the dog, "This is a Golden Retriever,
the best type of dog to train."
The Private glanced at the dog, saluted yet again and said
"Sir, Yes Sir!"
The General continued "I got this dog for my wife."
The Private simply said "Good trade Sir!"
=====
During the World War II, an American warship was attacked by
the Japanese. A torpedo was heading towards the ship and a
hit seemed inevitable. So the captain told the navigator to go
down to the crew quarters and tell a joke or something - at
least they would die laughing.
The navigator went down and said to the crew, "What would
you think if I could split the whole ship in two by hitting my dick
against the table?"
The crew burst laughing. So the navigator pulled his dick out
and whammed it on the table. Just when the dick hit the table,
a huge explosion tore the ship apart. The only survivors were
the captain and the navigator.
As they floated around in a lifeboat captain asked the navigator,
"Well, the crew really laughed. What did you do?" The
navigator told him.
The captain replied, "Well, you better be careful with that dick
of yours. The torpedo missed!"
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