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Subject: More lawyers
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Date: Mon, 23 Jun 2008 13:21:32 GMT
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Did you hear about the lawyer who was so big that when he died they
couldn't find a coffin big enough to hold the body, so they gave him an
enema and buried him in a hat box.
Obscenity is anything that gives the judge a hard-on
The university has stopped using rats for experiments. They've decided to
use lawyers for 3 reasons.
1. lawyers are more plentiful than rats.
2. Some rats are nice and you can get attracted to them.
3. There are some things that rats just wont do.
But they had to stop using lawyers and they're back to using rats,
because they found that lawyers aren't that close to human beings.
The young lawyer had just opened for business. He had been sitting behing
his desk for a week when at last he saw a man coming into his outer
office.
Quickly he picked up the phone and pretended to be negotiating a big
deal.
He spoke loudly about large sums of money and possible court proceedings.
When he hung up, he looked at the visitor and asked, "Can I help you?"
"Yes" said the man, "I've come to connect your phone".
Why don't you ever see lawyers on the beach?
Because the cats keep covering them up with sand.
When Pope John died, he arrived at the Pearly Gates at the same time as a
lawyer.
Both were ushered in to see St. Peter. He gave the lawyer a mansion with
a swimming pool, and the Pope had to share a double room and an old TV
set.
The Pope was disapointed and queried the decision.
St. Peter explained "We've got a hundred Popes up here, but that's the
first lawyer."
What do you call a bigot with a wig.
Your honour.
It was a sexual harrassment case, and it had been a long day. The young
lady accusing her boss said that she was too embarrassed to repeat the
words that he said to her.
The judge suggested she write them down and that the words be shown to
himself and the jury.
She passed the not, which read "Get your pants off and have a drink with
me tonight", to the judge, who then passed it on to Fred, the foreperson
of the jury.
Fred passed it on to the next juror, a middle-aged spinster who had
nodded off in the stuffy courtroom. He had to nudge her. She woke up,
read the note, winked at Fred and put the note in her handbag.
Mercury.
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