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Subject: Re: Stories 20
From: WingedMessenger <Boy@FlyingHigh.com>
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Date: Sun, 22 Jun 2008 05:43:15 GMT
Xref: news.nzbot.com alt.fan.rolex:6823
"::darkshadows::" <blood@thirsty.net> wrote in
news:r7gq54l8odafpfvluo1av3qvprjjtt1gq2@4ax.com:
> On Sat, 21 Jun 2008 05:58:52 GMT, WingedMessenger <Boy@FlyingHigh.com>
> wrote:
>
>>"::darkshadows::" <blood@thirsty.net> wrote in
>>news:sgvo54psgqnrij9r5a9i14sokk328amh8d@4ax.com:
>>
>>>
>>>
>>> I was on a Southwest flight once that was delayed at the gate
>>> after everyone boarded. The flight attendant said over the
>>> intercom, "We're sorry for the delay. The machine that normally
>>> rips the handles off your luggage is broken, so we're having to
>>> do it by hand. We should be finished and on our way shortly."
>>>
>>> =====
>>>
>>> On a British Airways flight from Johannesburg, a middle-aged,
>>> well-off white South African lady has found herself sitting next
>>> to a black man. She called the cabin crew attendant over to
>>> complain about her seating.
>>>
>>> "What seems to be the problem, Madam?" asked the
>>> attendant.
>>>
>>> "Can't you see?" she said, "You've sat me next to a kafir. I
>>> can't possibly sit next to this disgusting human. Find me
>>> another seat!"
>>>
>>> "Please calm down, Madam." the stewardess replied. "The
>>> flight is very full today, but I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll
>>> go and check to see if we have any seats available in club or
>>> first class".
>>>
>>> The woman cocks a snooty look at the outraged black man
>>> beside her (not to mention many of the surrounding
>>> passengers). A few minutes later the stewardess returns with
>>> the good news, which she delivers to the lady, who cannot help
>>> but look at the people around her with a smug and
>>> self-satisfied grin.
>>>
>>> "Madam, unfortunately, as I suspected, economy is full. I've
>>> spoken to the cabin services director, and club is also full.
>>> However, we do have one seat in first class".
>>>
>>> Before the lady has a chance to answer, the stewardess
>>> continues: "It is most extraordinary to make this kind of
>>> upgrade, however, and I have had to get special permission
>>> from the captain. But, given the circumstances, the captain felt
>>> that it was outrageous that someone should be forced to sit
>>> next such an obnoxious person."
>>>
>>> With that, she turned to the black man and said: "So if you'd
>>> like to get your things, sir, I have your seat ready for you..."
>>>
>>> At which point, the surrounding passengers stood and gave a
>>> standing ovation while the man walked to the front of the
>>> plane . . .
>>>
>>> =====
>>>
>>>
>>> The following are actual stories told by travellers from Mendocino
>>> County, CA to travel agents in the UK. (And you wonder why US
citizens
>>> generally score less than the rest of the world on geography...)
>>>
>>> A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what
was
>>> wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an
>>> ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since
>>> Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to
>>> me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state."
>>>
>>> A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going
>>> over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to
>>> California and then take the train to Hawaii?"
>>>
>>> I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to
>>> explain the length of the flight and the passport information when
>>> she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid but
>>> Capetown is in Massachusetts." Without trying to make her look like
>>> the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts,
>>> Capetown is in Africa." Her response... click.
>>>
>>> A secretary called in looking for hotel in Los Angeles. She gave me
>>> various names off a list, none of which I could find I finally had
>>> her fax me the list. To my surprise, it was a list of hotels in
New
>>> Orleans, Louisiana. She thought the LA stood for Los Angeles, and
>>> that New Orleans was a suburb of LA Worst of all, when I called
her
>>> back, she was not even embarrassed.
>>>
>>> I got a call from a man who asked, "is it possible to see England
from
>>> Canada?" I said, "No." He said "But they look so close on the
map."
>>>
>>> Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I
>>> pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a one-hour lay-over in
>>> Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I
>>> heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between
>>> the gates to save time."
>>>
>>> ******If you have ever been to DFW airport, this really is not that
>>> ridiculous because of the way it is laid out **********
>>>
>>>
>>> A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that
>>> her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at
>>> 8:33am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of
>>> Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones.
>>> Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!
>>>
>>> A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description
>>> on your bag so they know who's luggage belongs to who?" I said,
>>> "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with
>>> the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm
>>> overweight, is there any connection?" After putting her on hold
for
>>> a minute while I "looked into it" (I was actually laughing), I came
>>> back and explained the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the
>>> airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.
>>>
>>> I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know which
>>> plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he
>>> replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these
>>> planes have numbers on them."
>>>
>>> A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola on one of those
>>> computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a
>>> commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."
>>>
>>> A business man called and had a question about the documents he
needed
>>> in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion abou
>>> passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've
>>> been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I
>>> double checked, and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I
>>> told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and
>>> every time they have accepted my American Express."
>>>
>>> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>
>>This is indeed a great day for the group, jokes with quality!!!!
Someone
>>sent them from UK LOL
>>
>>Mercury.
>
>
> May Apis infest your domicile with ticks and fleas...
>
> darkshadows
>
I was actually complimenting you, I enjoyed these which prompted me to
make a comment rare in this group, and then go and lie down in a darkened
room to cogitate on how your improvement has been brought about LOL.
There is hope for the world yet LOL.
Mercury.
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