On Sat, 21 Jun 2008 05:58:52 GMT, WingedMessenger <Boy@FlyingHigh.com>
wrote:
>"::darkshadows::" <blood@thirsty.net> wrote in
>news:sgvo54psgqnrij9r5a9i14sokk328amh8d@4ax.com:
>
>>
>>
>> I was on a Southwest flight once that was delayed at the gate
>> after everyone boarded. The flight attendant said over the
>> intercom, "We're sorry for the delay. The machine that normally
>> rips the handles off your luggage is broken, so we're having to
>> do it by hand. We should be finished and on our way shortly."
>>
>> =====
>>
>> On a British Airways flight from Johannesburg, a middle-aged,
>> well-off white South African lady has found herself sitting next
>> to a black man. She called the cabin crew attendant over to
>> complain about her seating.
>>
>> "What seems to be the problem, Madam?" asked the
>> attendant.
>>
>> "Can't you see?" she said, "You've sat me next to a kafir. I
>> can't possibly sit next to this disgusting human. Find me
>> another seat!"
>>
>> "Please calm down, Madam." the stewardess replied. "The
>> flight is very full today, but I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll
>> go and check to see if we have any seats available in club or
>> first class".
>>
>> The woman cocks a snooty look at the outraged black man
>> beside her (not to mention many of the surrounding
>> passengers). A few minutes later the stewardess returns with
>> the good news, which she delivers to the lady, who cannot help
>> but look at the people around her with a smug and
>> self-satisfied grin.
>>
>> "Madam, unfortunately, as I suspected, economy is full. I've
>> spoken to the cabin services director, and club is also full.
>> However, we do have one seat in first class".
>>
>> Before the lady has a chance to answer, the stewardess
>> continues: "It is most extraordinary to make this kind of
>> upgrade, however, and I have had to get special permission
>> from the captain. But, given the circumstances, the captain felt
>> that it was outrageous that someone should be forced to sit
>> next such an obnoxious person."
>>
>> With that, she turned to the black man and said: "So if you'd
>> like to get your things, sir, I have your seat ready for you..."
>>
>> At which point, the surrounding passengers stood and gave a
>> standing ovation while the man walked to the front of the
>> plane . . .
>>
>> =====
>>
>>
>> The following are actual stories told by travellers from Mendocino
>> County, CA to travel agents in the UK. (And you wonder why US citizens
>> generally score less than the rest of the world on geography...)
>>
>> A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was
>> wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an
>> ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since
>> Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to
>> me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state."
>>
>> A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going
>> over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to
>> California and then take the train to Hawaii?"
>>
>> I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to
>> explain the length of the flight and the passport information when
>> she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid but
>> Capetown is in Massachusetts." Without trying to make her look like
>> the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts,
>> Capetown is in Africa." Her response... click.
>>
>> A secretary called in looking for hotel in Los Angeles. She gave me
>> various names off a list, none of which I could find I finally had
>> her fax me the list. To my surprise, it was a list of hotels in New
>> Orleans, Louisiana. She thought the LA stood for Los Angeles, and
>> that New Orleans was a suburb of LA Worst of all, when I called her
>> back, she was not even embarrassed.
>>
>> I got a call from a man who asked, "is it possible to see England from
>> Canada?" I said, "No." He said "But they look so close on the map."
>>
>> Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I
>> pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a one-hour lay-over in
>> Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I
>> heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between
>> the gates to save time."
>>
>> ******If you have ever been to DFW airport, this really is not that
>> ridiculous because of the way it is laid out **********
>>
>>
>> A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that
>> her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at
>> 8:33am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of
>> Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones.
>> Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!
>>
>> A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description
>> on your bag so they know who's luggage belongs to who?" I said,
>> "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with
>> the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm
>> overweight, is there any connection?" After putting her on hold for
>> a minute while I "looked into it" (I was actually laughing), I came
>> back and explained the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the
>> airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.
>>
>> I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know which
>> plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he
>> replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these
>> planes have numbers on them."
>>
>> A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola on one of those
>> computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a
>> commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."
>>
>> A business man called and had a question about the documents he needed
>> in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion abou
>> passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've
>> been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I
>> double checked, and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I
>> told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and
>> every time they have accepted my American Express."
>>
>> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
>>
>>
>>
>>
>
>This is indeed a great day for the group, jokes with quality!!!! Someone
>sent them from UK LOL
>
>Mercury.
May Apis infest your domicile with ticks and fleas...
darkshadows
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