As you may know, the Albuquerque housing market is becoming
as tight as the one in Denver. My friend Chuck, after searching for
months, found the perfect place. Family neighborhood, garden/lawn,
etc. The problem was, he has a dog, and the landlord specified "No
dogs." Rather than go on searching, he decided to go stealth, and not
tell the landlord about his dog (a golden retriever).All went well for
months. Except for one thing: the family that lived downstairs had a
rabbit that they kept in a cage in the garden area. One day, the
father of the family walked into the garden to find the dog scratching
at the cage, trying to get at the rabbit. He immediately went to the
landlord and complained. The landlord threatened to kick Chuck out.
But Chuck, being quite persuasive- and punctual with rent checks-
convinced the landlord to keep him and his dog. On the condition that
Chuck keep his dog out of the garden area. Months went by with no
incidence. However, his girlfriend stayed home sick at his place one
day. She, not knowing the garden rule, let the dog out.
Chuck came home and, to his dismay, found that the dog wasn't in
the house. He opened the back door, and there at the steps was his
dog. Dead rabbit in mouth. Needless to say, Chuck panicked. Not
wanting to face certain eviction(and possible jail time), he took
matters into his own hands. He bathed the dead rabbit, blow-dried its
hair (OK he was desperate) and carefully placed the rabbit back in the
cage. Natural causes, right? Nothing happened. After an excruciating
week, he finally approached his neighbor one morning on the way to
work. "How is everything?" asked Chuck. "We're moving" replied the
man. "This is a sick neighborhood." "Why? What happened?" replied
Chuck. The neighbor replied: "Some sick bastard dug up our recently
deceased rabbit, washed it, combed its hair, and put it back in its
cage."
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Want some chicken?
A man was driving along a freeway when he noticed a chicken running
along side his car. He was amazed to see the chicken keeping up with
him because he was doing 50 MPH. He accelerated to 60 and the chicken
stayed right next to him. He speeded up to 75 MPH and the chicken
passed him up. The man noticed the chicken had three legs.
So, he followed to chicken down a road and ended up at a farm. He got
out of his car and saw that all the chickens had three legs. He asked
the farmer "What's up with these chickens?"
The farmer said "Well, everybody likes chicken legs. I bred a three
legged bird. I'm going to be a millionaire."
The man asked him how they tasted.
The farmer said "Don't know, haven't caught one yet."
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A man goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says
"I'll bet $50 that no one here has a musical instrument
that this octopus CAN'T play' The people in the bar
look around, and someone fetches out an old guitar.
The octopus has a look,picks it up, tunes the string,
and starts playing the guitar.The octopus' owner
pockets the $50 Next, a guy comes up with a trumpet.
The octopus takes the horn, loosens up the keys, licks
it's lips and starts playing a jazz solo. The guy
pockets yet another $50. The bar owner has been watching
all of this and disappears to the back. He comes back
a few moments later with a set of bagpipes under his arm.
He puts them on the bar and says to the guy and his
octopus, ' Now, if your octopus can play THAT, I'll give
you $100. The octopus takes a long hard look at the
bagpipes, lifts it up, turns it over, has yet another
look from a different angle. Puzzled, the octopus' owner
comes over and says 'What are you waitin for? Hurry up
and play that damn thing!
The octopus says, 'Play it? Hell if I can work out how
to get it's pajamas off, I'm gonna screw it!!
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