| Jokes and a Story |
EasyNews, UseNet made Ea .. |
| ::darkshadows:: (blood@thirsty.net) |
2008/06/07 08:52 |
Path: news.nzbot.com!not-for-mail
From: "::darkshadows::" <blood@thirsty.net>
Newsgroups: alt.fan.rolex
Subject: Jokes and a Story
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Date: Sat, 07 Jun 2008 14:52:47 GMT
Xref: news.nzbot.com alt.fan.rolex:6726
Footless Parrot
A guy is having marital problems. He and the wife are not
communicating at all and he's lonesome so he goes to a pet store
thinking a pet might help. The store he happened to walk into
specialized in parrots. As he wanders down the rows of parrots he
notices one with no feet. Surprised he mutters "I wonder how he
hangs onto the perch?" The parrot says "With my prick, you dummy."
The guy is startled and says "You certainly talk well for a
parrot." The parrot says "Of course, I'm a very well educated
parrot. I can discuss politics, sports, religion, most any subject
you wish." The guy says "Gee, you sound like just what I was
looking for." The parrot says "There's not much of a market for
maimed parrots. If you offer the proprietor $20 for me I'll bet
he'll sell me." The guy buys the parrot and for three months
things go great. When he comes home from work the parrot tells him
Clinton said this, the A's won, the Giant's lost, the pope did so
and so. One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot waves
a wing at him and says "Come in and shut the door." The guy says
"What's up?" The parrot says "I don't know how to tell you this,
but the mailman came today. Your wife answered the door in her
negligee and he kissed her right on the lips." The guy says "Oh,
A momentary flight of passion." The parrot says "Then he fondled
her breasts." The guy says "He did??!" The parrot says "Then he
pulled her negligee down and started sucking on her breasts."
The guy says "My God, what happened next???!!!"
The parrot says "I don't know. I got a hard-on and fell off my
perch."
=====
This guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree. He
looks in the phone book for a gorilla removal service until he finds
one. "Is it a boy or girl Gorilla?" the service guy asks. "Boy," is
the man's response. "Oh yeah, I can do it. I'll be right there," says
the service guy. An hour later the service guy shows up with a stick,
a Chihuahua, a shotgun, and a pair of handcuffs. He then gives the
man some instructions: "Now, I'm going to climb this tree and poke the
gorilla with the stick until he falls. When he does, the trained
Chihuahua will bite the gorilla's testicles off. The gorilla will then
cross his hands to protect himself and allow you to put the handcuffs
on him." The man asks, "What do I do with the shotgun?" The service
guy replies, "If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, shoot the
Chihuahua."
=====
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DOGS AND CATS
A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me,
provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of
me... They must be gods!
A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me,
provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of
me... I must be a god!
=====
Go into Wendy's around 9:00 p.m. Nobody in the store. I
ordered a Frosty. The guy at the counter pushed the little
button on his register and leaned into the microphone and said
"Frosty". He then proceeded to turn around and draw the drink
HIMSELF! I asked why he used the mike, and his response
was, "That's the way I was trained to do it. If I don't, I get
confused".
=====
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