| Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road? |
EasyNews, UseNet made Ea .. |
| ::darkshadows:: (blood@thirsty.net) |
2008/06/07 08:26 |
Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?
Plato
For the greater good.
Karl Marx
It was a historical inevitability.
Machiavelli
So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which
has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with
fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a
paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's
dominion maintained.
Hippocrates
Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.
Jacques Derrida
Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act
of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally
valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because
structuralism is dead.
Noam Chomsky
The chicken didn't exactly cross the road. As of 1994, something like
99.8% of all US chickens reaching maturity that year had spent 82% of
their lives in confinement. The living conditions in most chicken
coops break every international law ever written, and some,
particularly the ones for chickens bound for slaughter, border on
inhumane. My point is, they had no chance to cross the road (unless
you count the ride to the supermarket). Even if one or two have
crossed roads for whatever reason, most never get a chance. Of course,
this is not what we are told. Instead, we see chickens happily dancing
around on Sesame Street and Foster Farms commercials where chickens
are not only crossing roads, but driving trucks (incidentally, Foster
Farms is owned by the same people who own the Foster Freeze chain, a
subsidiary of the dairy industry). Anyway, ... (Chomsky continues for
32 pages. For the full text of his answer, contact Odonian Press)
Thomas de Torquemada
Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
Timothy Leary
Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it
take.
Douglas Adams
Forty-two.
Friedrich Nietzsche
Because if you gaze too long across the road, the road gazes also
across you.
Oliver North
National Security was at stake.
B.F. Skinner
Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from
birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to
cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free
will.
Carl Jung
The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that
individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and
therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.
Jean-Paul Sartre
In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found
it necessary to cross the road.
Ludwig Wittgenstein
The possibility of crossing was encoded into the objects chicken and
road, and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization
of this potential occurrence.
Albert Einstein
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken
depends upon your frame of reference.
Aristotle
To actualize its potential.
Buddha
If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.
Howard Cosell
It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace
the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the
temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated
to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.
Salvador Dali
The Fish.
Darwin
It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
Emily Dickinson
Because it could not stop for death.
Epicurus
For fun.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
Johann von Goethe
The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
Ernest Hemingway
To die. In the rain.
Werner Heisenberg
We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was
moving very fast.
David Hume
Out of custom and habit.
Saddam Hussein
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in
dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
Jack Nicholson
'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason.
Pyrrho the Skeptic
What road?
Ronald Reagan
I forget.
John Sununu
The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so
quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.
The Sphinx
You tell me.
Henry David Thoreau
To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.
Mark Twain
The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
Catherine MacKinnon
Because, in this patriarchial state, for the last four centuries, men
have applied their principles of justice in determining how chickens
should be cared for, their language has demeaned the identity of the
chicken, their technonogy and trucks have decided how and where
chickens will be distributed, their science has become the basis for
what chickens eat, their sense of humor has provided the framework for
this joke, their art and film have given us our perception of chicken
life, their lust for flesh has has made the chicken the most consumned
animal in the US, and their legal system has left the chicken with no
other recourse.
Stephen Jay Gould
It is possible that there is a sociobiological explanation for it, but
we have been deluged in recent years with sociobiological stories
despite the fact that we have little direct evidence about the
genetics of behavior, and we do not know how to obtain it for the
specific behaviors that figure most prominently in sociobiological
speculation.
Joseph Stalin
I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omlette.
Malcolm X
It was coming home to roost.
|
|
|