| FRIDAY STORIES |
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| ::darkshadows:: (blood@thirsty.net) |
2008/06/06 12:36 |
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From: "::darkshadows::" <blood@thirsty.net>
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Subject: FRIDAY STORIES
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Date: Fri, 06 Jun 2008 18:36:04 GMT
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FRIDAY STORIES
==============
One of our Favorite Headlines
"Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over"
==========
Vermont native, Ronald Demuth, found himself in a difficult position
yesterday. While touring the Eagle's Rock African Safari (Zoo) with
a group of thespians from St. Petersburg, Russia, Demuth went
overboard to show them one of America's many marvels. He demonstrated
the effectiveness of "Crazy Glue" ... the hard way.
Apparently, Demuth wanted to demonstrate just how good the adhesive
was, so he put about 3 ounces of the adhesive in the palms of his
hands, and jokingly placed them on the buttocks of a passing rhino.
The rhino, a resident of the zoo for the past thirteen years, was not
initially startled as it has been part of the petting exhibit since
itsarrival as a baby. However, once it became aware of its being
involuntarily stuck to Demuth, it began to panic and ran around the
petting area wildly making Demuth an unintended passenger.
"Sally (the rhino) hasn't been feeling well lately. She had been
veryconstipated. We had just given her a laxative and some
depressants to relax her bowels, when Demuth played his juvenile
prank," said James Douglass, caretaker.
During Sally's tirade two fences were destroyed, a shed wall was
gored, and a number of small animals escaped. Also, during the
stampede, three pygmy goats and one duck were stomped to death. As
for Demuth, it took a team of medics and zoo caretakers over four
hours to remove his hands from the rhino's buttocks.
First, the animal had to be captured and calmed down. However, during
this process the laxatives began to take hold and Demuth was
repeatedly showered with over 30 gallons of rhino diarrhea.
"It was tricky. We had to calm her down, while at the same time
shield our faces from being pelted with rhino dung. I guess you could
say that Demuth was into it up to his neck.
Once she was under control, we had three people with shovels working
to keep an air passage open for Mr. Demuth. We were able to
tranquilize her and apply a solvent to remove his hands from her
rear," said Douglass. "I don't think he'll be playing with Crazy
Glue for a while."
Meanwhile, the Russians, while obviously amused, also were impressed
with the power of the adhesive. "I'm going to buy some for my
children, but of course they can't take it to the zoo," commented
Vladimir Zolnikov,
leader of the troupe.
==========
A Malaysian monkey that had been trained to gather
coconuts from trees demonstrated a pressing need for
a refresher course when it leapt onto the shoulders
of a passer-by in Kuala Lumpur and tried to twist
his head off. The passer-by was treated at a local
hospital for a sprained neck.
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