"::darkshadows::" <blood@thirsty.net> wrote in
news:23ab445r6ekbk88rkdisnec08qffv67bk5@4ax.com:
>
> Today's Jokes
> ===========
>
>
> How do you get 20 vice presidents in a mini-van?
>
> Promote one and watch the other 19 crawl up his ass.
>
>
> ----------
>
> What's brown and sticky?
>
> A stick.
>
> ----------
>
> For more ahem...adventerous types....
>
> What is "71"?
>
> "69" with two fingers up your ass.
>
> ----------
>
> What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
>
> Outlaws are wanted.
>
> ----------
>
> When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts", and you put your
> two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
>
> ----------
>
> At the card shop: A woman was spending a long time looking
> at the cards, finally shaking her head, "No."
>
> A clerk came over and asked, "May I help you?"
>
> "I don't know," said the woman. "Do you have any 'Sorry I
> laughed at your dick' cards?"
>
> ----------
>
> Billy-Joe and Betty-Sue get married, and Billy-Joe whisks her away
> to
> his daddy's hunting cabin in the woods, for a romantic 'nature
> honeymoon'...
>
> He carries her across the threshold, and they get into bed, when
> Betty-Sue whispers in his ear "Billy-Joe, be gentle, I ain never
> been
> with a man b'fore."
>
> "WHAT???" shouts Billy-Joe, and his little bride softly shakes her
> head...
>
> Billy-Joe jumps out of bed, grabs his clothes, and races out the
> door,
> into his truck.... down the mountain.... straight to his parents
> house... rushes inside screaming "Hey Daddy!, Paw! Git'up!" .....
>
> His father rushes downstairs and gasps... "Billy-Joe, what'r you
> doin
> here?"
>
> Billy-Joe, still breathing hard from his mad flight, gasps "Well,
> Betty-Sue an I was in the' cabin, and she toll' me she ain't never
> been with a man' afore.... so's I rushed outta there, an' lit back
> here... quick as I could!"
>
> His father grasps Billy-Joe's shoulder in reassurance, and says
> "SON,
> Ya done the right thing.... Iffin she ain't good'nuff fer her
> family,
> she shure as shit ain't good'nuff fer ours!!"
>
> ----------
>
> A site foreman had ten very lazy men working for him, so one
> day he decided to trick them into doing some work for a
> change.
>
> "I've got a really easy job today for the laziest one among you,"
> he announced. "Will the laziest man please put his hand up."
>
> Nine hands went up.
>
> "Why didn't you put your hand up?" he asked the tenth man.
>
> "Too much trouble," came the reply
>
> ----------
>
> An old man and his son had a one-horse farm where they barely made a
> living. Then, one day, the son hit the lottery and won $50,000.
> The young man rushed into town, collected his money, then hurried back
> home. He ran across the field, told his father the news, and handed
> the older man a $50 bill.
> The father looked at the money for a moment and then said, "Son, you
> know I've always been careful with what little money we had. I didn't
> spend it on whiskey or women. In fact, I couldn't even afford the
> license to legally marry your Ma."
> "Pa!" the young man stammered, "do you know what that makes me?"
> "Yep," said the old man fingering the $50, "... and a cheap one, too.
>
> =====================================================
>
>
Back to bed LOL.
Mercury.
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