Today's Jokes
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How do you get 20 vice presidents in a mini-van?
Promote one and watch the other 19 crawl up his ass.
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What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
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For more ahem...adventerous types....
What is "71"?
"69" with two fingers up your ass.
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
Outlaws are wanted.
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When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts", and you put your
two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
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At the card shop: A woman was spending a long time looking
at the cards, finally shaking her head, "No."
A clerk came over and asked, "May I help you?"
"I don't know," said the woman. "Do you have any 'Sorry I
laughed at your dick' cards?"
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Billy-Joe and Betty-Sue get married, and Billy-Joe whisks her away
to
his daddy's hunting cabin in the woods, for a romantic 'nature
honeymoon'...
He carries her across the threshold, and they get into bed, when
Betty-Sue whispers in his ear "Billy-Joe, be gentle, I ain never
been
with a man b'fore."
"WHAT???" shouts Billy-Joe, and his little bride softly shakes her
head...
Billy-Joe jumps out of bed, grabs his clothes, and races out the
door,
into his truck.... down the mountain.... straight to his parents
house... rushes inside screaming "Hey Daddy!, Paw! Git'up!" .....
His father rushes downstairs and gasps... "Billy-Joe, what'r you
doin
here?"
Billy-Joe, still breathing hard from his mad flight, gasps "Well,
Betty-Sue an I was in the' cabin, and she toll' me she ain't never
been with a man' afore.... so's I rushed outta there, an' lit back
here... quick as I could!"
His father grasps Billy-Joe's shoulder in reassurance, and says
"SON,
Ya done the right thing.... Iffin she ain't good'nuff fer her
family,
she shure as shit ain't good'nuff fer ours!!"
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A site foreman had ten very lazy men working for him, so one
day he decided to trick them into doing some work for a
change.
"I've got a really easy job today for the laziest one among you,"
he announced. "Will the laziest man please put his hand up."
Nine hands went up.
"Why didn't you put your hand up?" he asked the tenth man.
"Too much trouble," came the reply
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An old man and his son had a one-horse farm where they barely made a
living. Then, one day, the son hit the lottery and won $50,000.
The young man rushed into town, collected his money, then hurried back
home. He ran across the field, told his father the news, and handed
the older man a $50 bill.
The father looked at the money for a moment and then said, "Son, you
know I've always been careful with what little money we had. I didn't
spend it on whiskey or women. In fact, I couldn't even afford the
license to legally marry your Ma."
"Pa!" the young man stammered, "do you know what that makes me?"
"Yep," said the old man fingering the $50, "... and a cheap one, too.
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