| Bag of Tales |
EasyNews, UseNet made Ea .. |
| ::darkshadows:: (blood@thirsty.net) |
2008/05/31 21:12 |
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From: "::darkshadows::" <blood@thirsty.net>
Newsgroups: alt.fan.rolex
Subject: Bag of Tales
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Date: Sun, 01 Jun 2008 03:12:43 GMT
Xref: news.nzbot.com alt.fan.rolex:6661
Blondes Protective Computer Gear
Yesterday I came back to my office from Court. There was a new
secretary (a very attractive blonde) in the office down the hall from
me.
She flagged me down and asked for help. "My floppy drive won't work,
can you help me ?" she asked. I told her I'd take a look and
proceeded over to her machine, where I found shredded up clear
plastic Baggie-like stuff hanging out of her 3.5" floppy drive.
While I spent the next 20 minutes getting out her disk and digging
out the plastic, I noticed two guys, John and Dave, in the hall
trying awfully hard to keep straight faces. Suspecting some mischief,
I asked her how the plastic got into the drive.
"Oh, you mean the condom!", she said. "Condom???", I asked. "Yes,
John & Dave over there told me to always put a condom on my disk
before inserting it, to prevent catching viruses."
By this point, John & Dave were roaring, and it was all I could do to
keep from joining them. The "condom" turned out to be a standard 3.5"
plastic sleeve. I delicately explained to her that a practical joke
had been played, and she shouldn't do that anymore, when she asked
(as serious as one could be), "Does that mean I don't have to stroke
it ten times or blow on it either???"
=====
Did you know that it costs forty-thousand dollars a year to house each
prisoner? Jeez, for forty-thousand bucks a piece I'll take a few
prisoners into my house. I live in Los Angeles. I already have bars on
the windows. I don't think we should give free room and board to
criminals. I think they should have to run twelve hours a day on a
treadmill and generate electricity. And if they don't want to run,
they can rest in the chair that's hooked up to the generator.
=====
I called a company and asked to speak to Bob. The person who answered
said, "Bob is on vacation. Would you like to hold?"
=====
The Policeman recently stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed
limit. He asked the driver her name.
She said, "I'm Mrs. Ladislav Abdulkhashim Zybkcicraznovskaya from the
Republic of Uzbekistan visiting my daughter in Columbia."
The cop put away his summons book and pen, and said, "Well... OK...
but don't let me catch you speeding again."
=====
The Wipe-Up
Find a friend who likes to show off or prove himself all the time,
then tell them you have a test of speed and reaction for them and that
you think you are faster. what you do is pour some water on a tile
floor (a puddle about 10" wide works well), grab a fork and a towel
and tell them you think you can wipe up the water before they poke you
with the fork.
Also tell them that you are really quick and to make it fair they need
to sit on the floor near the puddle with their legs spread to the
sides so the puddle is between their knees. Here is where the fun
stuff comes in, tell them to go on three, then start counting (all the
while you are holding the towel) one - two - th....grab their feet and
drag their ass through it
Sent by Keith
=====
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