What do you call a dog with no legs?
Hehe...it doen't matter, it's not going to come anyway!
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Don't you just hate it when you go to the doctor, and you're sitting
on the examination table telling him about your symptoms, and with
each new one you describe, he backs a little further away?
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Q: How did Captain Hook die?
A: Jock itch.
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They now have an Italian airline that flies out of Genoa.
It's called Genitalia.
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What do you call a guy who knows how to play the bagpipes, but
doesn't?
A gentleman.
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A wild rabbit got caught and was taken to a laboratory. While he
was in there he befriended a rabbit who had been in the lab since
the day he was born.
Anyway, one evening the wild rabbit noticed that his cage hadn't
been properly closed, and decided to make a break for freedom. He
asked the lab rabbit if he would like to join him. The lab rabbit
was unsure, as he had never been outside the lab. However, the wild
rabbit finally convinced him to give it a try.
Once they were free, the wild rabbit said, "I'll show you the
number three best field." and took the lab rabbit to a field full
of lettuce.
After they had eaten their fill, the wild rabbit said, "Now I'll
show you the number two best field." and took the lab rabbit to a
field full of carrots.
After they had eaten their fill, the wild rabbit said, "Now I'll
show you the number one best field." and took the lab rabbit to a
warren full of female bunnies. It was heaven, non-stop bonking most
of the evening.
As dawn was beginning to break, the lab rabbit announced that he
would have to be getting back to the lab.
"Why?" said the wild rabbit. "I've shown you the number three best
field with the lettuce, the number two best field with the carrots,
and the number one best field with the bonking. Why do you want to
go back to the lab?"
The lab rabbit replied "I can't help it - I'm dying for a
cigarette!"
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A woman got a problem with her closet door - it was felling every time
a bus was passing by. So she called a repair man. The repairman comes
and sees that indeed, the door falls out every time when a bus passes
by. "OK, I am gonna see what is going on, just close the door behind
me" and he stepps into the closet. At that time the husband comes
from work, opens the closet and finds the repairman.
Husband: "What the hell are you doing here!"
Repairman:"Well, you are not going to believe it, but I am waiting for
a bus!"
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Little Johnny's is coming home from the store swinging the loaf
of bread in one hand and the other hand in his pants pocket.
Along come Priest Joe and he thinks to himself, "This is a good
opportunity to say something from the bible to Little Johnny."
He walks up to Little Johnny and says, "I see Little Johnny that
you have the Staff of Life in one hand. What do you have in the
other?"
Little Johnny replies, "A loaf of bread Father."
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Stress-Relieving Prayer
Lord,
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I cannot accept,
And the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people
I had to kill today because they pissed me off.
And, help me to be careful
Of the toes I step on today as they
May be connected to the ass
That I might have to kiss tomorrow.
Amen.
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