Funny Answering Machine Messages
"If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our
weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably
aren't home and it's safe to leave us a message."
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A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're
not here. So leave a message.
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Hi. This is John:
If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my
parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution,
you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me
money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
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My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave
your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.
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Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right
now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing
it up and down, and I like doing it left to right...real slowly. So
leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back
to you.
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"Hi. Now you say something."
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"Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can
talk to it instead. Wait for the beep."
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He-lo! This is Sa-to. If you leave message, I call you soon. If you
leave *sexy* message, I call sooner!
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"Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator.
Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with
one of these magnets."
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"This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic
thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your
reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think
about returning your call."
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"Hi. I am probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave
me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you."
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