This is a passenger announcement.
The train on platform one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight,
nine, ten, eleven and twelve has come in sideways.
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How do you know when the barmaid is really pissed off?
When you find a string in your bloody mary.
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Why are politicians like diapers?
Both should be changed regularly and for the same reason.
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What do you call 20 lawyers skydiving?
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Hear about the guy who played a blank tape at full blast.
The mime next door went nuts.
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How do you know you're leading a sad life?
When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Let's just be friends."
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During training exercises, the lieutenant driving down a muddy back
road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red faced colonel
at the wheel. "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he
pulled alongside.
"Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys,
"*Yours* is."
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Perfect setup for skeet shooting.
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How do you catch an elephant?
First you dig a big hole, and fill it with wood and ash. Then you take
a loadof peas and line them up around the hole. Then, when the
elephant goes to take a pea, kick him in the ash-hole!
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