What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and
calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
================================
The young lady entered the doctor's office carrying an infant.
"Doctor," she explained, "the baby seems to be ailing. Instead of
gaining weight, he lost three ounces this week." The medic examined
the child and then started to squeeze the girl's breasts. He then
unbuttoned her blouse, removed the bra and began powerfully sucking on
one nipple. "Young lady," he finally announced, "no wonder the baby
is losing weight, you haven't any milk!" "Of course not!" she
shrieked. "It's not my child, it's my sister's!"
==================================
Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out on the lonesome
prairie, each with the bravado for which cowboys are famous. A night
of tall tales begins.
The first says, "I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why,
just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men
before I wrestled it to the ground, by the horns, with my bare hands."
The second can't stand to be bested. "Why that's nothing. I was
walking down the trail yesterday and a fifteen foot rattler slid out
from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that snake with my
bare hands, bit its head off, and sucked the venom down in one gulp.
And I'm still her today."
The third cowboy remained silent, slowly stirring the coals with his
penis.
===================================
What is It?
Bush has a short one. Gorbachev has a long one.
Maddona does not have one. And a priest does not
use his. What is it?
A Last name
======================================
What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?
One less drunk.
======================================
The Italian colonel had his brigade arrayed in full parade dress,
proudly ready for inspection by the general. That worthy warrior
strolled back and forth before the troops, and sniffed and stopped
abruptly. "Colonel!" he spat out. "Yes, general!" the colonel
quavered. "Your troops, your troops," stormed the general. "They look
very nice, they stand very nice, but they stink, man, they stink!
Can't you get them to change their underwear?"
He strode away furiously. The colonel sniffed for himself. "The
general, yes, he's right. Now, Luigi change with Guiseppi, Carlo
change with Giovanni..."
=======================================
Karen was telling me that her to-be-ex, a police officer, asked
the judge to please remind her to re-register a gun he'd given
her in her name. "You see, your honor, to buy it, I had to
register it in my name." The judge said, "Why's this so impor-
tant?" "Because, Your Honor, I don't want to be shot with 'my
own gun'." The judge had to hold a piece of paper in front of his
face to hide his laughter.
=======================================
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