| Joke Bag |
EasyNews, UseNet made Ea .. |
| ::darkshadows:: (blood@thirsty.net) |
2008/05/14 23:18 |
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From: "::darkshadows::" <blood@thirsty.net>
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Subject: Joke Bag
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Date: Thu, 15 May 2008 05:18:36 GMT
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Q. What's an Australian kiss?
A. The same thing as a French kiss, only down under!
===========
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Listen," he says to the
bartender. "If i show you the most amazing thing you've ever seen,
is
my beer on the house?" "We'll See," says the bartender. So the guy
pulls out a hamster and a tiny piano out of a bag, puts them on the
bar,
and the hamster begins to play. "Impressive," says the bartender,
"but
i'll need to see more." "Hold on," says the man. He then pulls out
a
bullfrog, and it sings "Old Man River." A patron jups up from mhis
table and shouts "Thats's Absolutely incredible! I'll give you $100
right now for the frog." "Sold," says the guy. The patron takes the
bullfrog and leaves. "It's none of my business," says the
bartender,
"but you just gave away a fortune." "Not really," says the guy.
"The
hamster is also a ventriloquist."
==============
Waxing eloquent on the sins of the flesh, the dynamic
young preacher raised himself to full height, leaned over
the pulpit and boomed,
"Brothers and sisters, if there are any among you who have
committed adultery, may your tongue cleave to the woof of
your mouf!"
==============
Six stages of married life:
1: Tri-weekly 2: Try weekly 3: Try weakly 4. Try oysters 5: Try
anything 6: Try to remember
==============
What do you call four Mexicans in quicksand?
- Quattro Sink-o
==============
The Army Airborne major was used to harassment from Air Force fliers
about crazy Army paratroopers jumping out of perfectly good aircraft.
"Obviously the Air Force knows there's no such thing as a 'perfectly
good aircraft,'" the irritated officer finally countered one
afternoon, "because they pay you bastards four times as much to stay
in one as the Army pays its men to jump."
"You've got it all wrong, Major," an Air Force sergeant replied. "The
Army figures anyone stupid enough to jump out of an airplane
voluntarily is gonna be too dumb to bitch about the salary."
==============
What is the worst thing about our justice system?
You're leaving your fate in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart
enough to get out of jury duty!
==============
Several years ago, we had an intern who was none too
swift. One day she was typing and turned to a
secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper.
What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the
secretary told her. With that, the intern took her
last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the
photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.
==============
More about rednecks...
In Fort Lauderdale, Florida, a sixteen-year-old youth
was charged with beating up his fifteen-year-old wife
after the latter hid the caps to his toy pistol.
==============
Only in Merry Olde England
A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded bus.
When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling
humiliated on account of her condition. She changed her seat and he
seemed more amused. She moved again and then on her fourth move he
burst out laughing. She had him arrested.
When the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he
acted in such a manner. His reply was:
When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was
pregnant. She sat under an advertisement which read "Coming Soon The
Gold Dust Twins", then she moved under one that read "Sloans Liniments
remove Swelling". I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving
advertisement which read "William Stick Did The Trick". Then I could
not control myself any longer when on the fourth move she sat under an
advertisement which read "Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this
accident."
================
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