| Puns |
EasyNews, UseNet made Ea .. |
| ::darkshadows:: (blood@thirsty.net) |
2008/05/07 21:41 |
PUNS
'Puns' are jokes that play with words.
Here are some examples:
Why did the man throw the clock out the window? He wanted to see time
fly!
Sometimes when I'm bored, l make spaghetti just to PASTA time away.
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.
What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall? "Damn."
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick.
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
How do you know if you've met a Korean vampire? He doesn't have a
Seoul.
Why do bagpipers walk when they play? They're trying to get away from
the noise.
Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have big fingers.
Alarms: What an octopus is.
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does
he become disoriented?
If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from
Holland called "Holes?
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
In London, one man to another:
A: "You know, my daughter has married an Irishman"
B: "Oh, really?"
A: "No, O'Reilly"
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
A: Did you hear about the guy with the corduroy pillow?
B: No, I didn't.
A: Really? It made headlines!
If lawyers are disbarred and priests defrocked, doesn't it follow that
electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, models deposed, tree
surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed? (Teachers, of course,
would be declassified!)
Snow White took photos of the Dwarfs and their surroundings. She took
the film to be developed. After a week or so she went to get the
finished photos. The clerk said the photos were not back from the
processor. Needless to say, she was disappointed and started to cry.
The clerk, trying to console her, said, "Don't worry. Someday your
prints will come."
Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in
the universe, you will believe them; but if they tell you a wall has
wet paint, you will have to touch it to be sure?
Boyfriend: What is your favourite music group?
Girlfriend: I love U2!
Boyfriend: I love you too, but what is your favorite music group?
How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
I was arrested at the airport. Just because I was greeting my cousin
Jack!
All that I said was "Hi Jack", but very loud.
What do you call a male ladybird?
When they first invented the clock, how did they know what time it was
to set it to?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and
apes?
Hans and Stein were playing in their yard in Zurich when one of the
boys accidentally swallowed a coin and started choking. Hans ran
inside to get help, yelling "Mum! Dad! Come quick! There's a franc in
Stein!"
2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won Ton
A Polar bear walks into an English 'fish and chip' shop and says to
the person taking the order, "I'll have a Cola and
...............................................................................
large fish and chips ." The order taker asks, "What's with the big
pause?" The bear says, "I dunno, I've always had them."
Did you hear about the medical student who got in trouble for
performing an operation?
He removed the appendix from his medical textbook.
A mushroom walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. The
bartender says "We don't serve mushrooms here." The mushroom says,
"Why not? I'm a fun guy!"
A man wanting to borrow another man's newspaper asks, "Are you
finish(ed)?"
The other man replies, "No, I'm Norwegian."
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