There were three little boys visiting their grandparents.
The oldest came out and asked his grandpa, "Can you make a sound
like a frog, Grandpappy?
Grandpa (being in a kind of ill mood) responds, "No, I don't really
want to make the sound of a frog now."
So, the second little boy comes out and asks his grandfather, "Will
you please make a sound like a frog?"
Grandpa again says, "No, not now. I don't really want to do that.
I'm in a grumpy mood. Maybe later."
Then the third little boy comes out and says, "Grandpa, oh please...
Please, please will you make a sound like a frog?"
"Why do all of you boys want me to make a sound like a frog?" Grandpa
asked.
The little boy replied with a hopeful face, "Well, Mom said that when
you croak we get to go to Disney World!"
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A couple was planning on getting married. Seeing how they didn't
have much money to go on a honeymoon, they decided to just go back
to their new apartment after the wedding.
The groom had three close friends, that were prone to committing
practical jokes. One being a carpenter, the other a ordinary guy,
and the third a dentist.
They all decided to pull practical jokes on their newly married
friends. The carpenter decided he would cut the slats in the bed
so that when they climbed into bed, the bed would collapse. The
ordinary guy decided to short sheet the bed, so that when they got
into it their feet wouldn't reach the bottom. The dentist chuckled
and wouldn't tell anyone what he planned to do.
A week later the 3 friends all received letters in the mail. "Dear
friends, we didn't mind the fact that when we got into bed, the
bed collapsed, or the guy that short sheeted it, but I'm gonna kill
the bastard that put the novacaine in the vaseline!"
=====
A blond sees a brunette standing in the middle of the highway.
The brunette keeps saying, "88, 88, 88..."
The blond calls to her as the cars and trucks wizz past.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm counting cars,"comes the rely. "Want to help?"
"Sure!" says the blond. She walks out to the middle of the highway to
the brunette and starts saying "88, 88, 88.."
All the time the cars are dodging the two woman. Then a big semi
drives by and runs over the blond. The brunnette calmly walks down the
highway, picks a new spot, and starts muttering, "89, 89, 89..."
=====
When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old
came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the
shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes,
honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy." "I know," she
replied, "but what is growing in your butt?"
=====
Wearing a ski mask and carrying a gun, a thief burst into the
bank one day. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled,
"FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A ****-UP!" For a moment,
everyone was silent. Then the snickers started. The guard
completely lost it and doubled over laughing. It probably saved
his life, because he'd been about to draw his gun. He couldn't
have drawn and fired before the thief got him. The would-be
thief ran away and is still at large.
=====
THE PERSONAL QUALITIES NECESSARY TO BE A GOOD LOVER
"One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you
have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills." (Ava,
8)
=====
QUOTES:
A youth becomes a man when the marks he wants to leave on the
world have nothing to do with tires.
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
Don't cry because its over, smile because it happened.
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