Have you heard the one about the . . . .
. . . recent survey on cigarettes which found that
90% of the men that tried Camels still prefer women.
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Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle aged couple and a young
newlywed couple wanted to join a church.
The pastor says, "We have special requirements for new parishioners.
You must abstain from having sex for two weeks."
The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor
goes to the elderly couple and asks, "Were you able to abstain from
sexfor the two weeks?"
The old man replies, "No problem at all, Pastor."
"Congratulations! Welcome to the church." said the pastor. The pastor
goes to the middle aged couple and asks, "Well, were you able to
abstainfrom sex for the two weeks?"
The man replied, "The first week was not too bad. The second week I
had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but, yes we made it.
"Congratulations!
Welcome to the church." said the pastor. The pastor then goes to the
newlywed couple and asks, 'Well, were you able to abstain from sex for
two weeks?"
"Well Pastor, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks,"
the young man replied.
"What happened?" inquired the pastor.
"My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped
it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was over come with lust and
took advantage of her right there."
"You understand of course, this means you will not be welcome in our
church," stated the pastor.
"That's OK." said the young man, "We're not welcome at Safeway
anymore, either."
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What are the five reasons for not wanting to be an egg ?
1) You only get laid once.
2) You only get eaten once.
3) It takes you seven min. to get hard in boiling water.
4) You have to come in a box with 11 other guys.
5) The only one that ever sits on your face is your mother.
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Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are
we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their
pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while
they deliver the mail?
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It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the
station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was
barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you
got back there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy
looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said,
"What'd he do?"
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