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From: "::darkshadows::" <blood@thirsty.net>
Newsgroups: alt.fan.rolex
Subject: 86-year-old woman ticked off by her bank
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Date: Fri, 18 Apr 2008 00:33:19 GMT
Xref: news.nzbot.com alt.fan.rolex:6066
86-year-old woman ticked off by her bank
This is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old
woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published
in the New York Times.
Dear Sir:
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I
endeavored to pay myplumber last month. By my calculations, three
nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the
arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of
course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an
arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years.
You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity,
and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the
inconvenience caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the
manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant
financial ways.
I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and
letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal,
overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has
become. From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a
flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore
and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by
check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your
bank whom you must nominate.
Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other
person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application
Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry
it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or
her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note
that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by
a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial
situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied
by documented proof.
In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a
PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that
it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on
the number of button presses required of me to access my account
balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the
sincerest form of flattery.
Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press
buttons as follows:
IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH
#1. To make an appointment to see me
#2. To query a missing payment.
# 3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
# 4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping
# 5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to
nature.
# 6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home
#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my
computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later
date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.
# 8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
# 9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be
put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.
# 10. This is a second reminder to press* for English. While this may,
on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the
duration of the call regrettably, but again following your example, I
must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this
new arrangement. May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less
prosperous New Year?
Your Humble Client
(Remember: This was written by an 86 year old woman) 'YA JUST GOTTA
LOVE " US SENIORS" !!!!!
And remember; Don't make old ladies mad. They don't like being old in
the first place, so it doesn't take much to set them off.
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