"::darkshadows::" <bloody@mary.org> wrote in
news:vkaef3hqreqc3gp65aru2ibk580m46bhui@4ax.com:
>
> Elephant Jokes
>
>
> 1. What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants in the
> distance?
>
> "Look, a herd of elephants in the distance"
>
>
> 2. What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants with
> sunglasses
> in the distance?
>
> Nothing. He doesn't recognize them.
>
>
> 3. What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of giraffes in the
> distance?
>
> "Haha! You fooled me once with those disguises, but not this time!"
>
>
> 4. What is the difference between en elephant and a plum?
>
> An elephant is grey.
>
>
> 5. What does Jane say when she sees a herd of elephants in the
> distance?
>
> "Look! A herd of plums in the distance" (Jane is colorblind)
>
>
> 6. How do you get four elephants into a Mini?
>
> Two in the front, two in the back.
>
>
> 7. What game do four elephants in a mini play?
>
> Squash
>
>
> 8. How do you get an elephant into the fridge?
>
> 1. Open door.
> 2. Insert elephant.
> 3. Close door.
>
> How do you get a giraffe into the fridge?
>
> 1. Open door.
> 2. Remove elephant.
> 3. Insert giraffe.
> 4. Close door.
>
>
> 9. How do you know there are *two* elephants in your fridge?
>
> The door won't close.
>
>
> 10. How do you know there are *three* elephants in your fridge?
>
> There'll be one waiting outside in the Mini.
>
>
> 11. How can you tell that an elephant has been in your fridge?
>
> By the footprints in the butter.
>
>
> 12. How do you get an elephant out of the water?
>
> Wet.
>
>
> 13. How do you get two elephants out of the water?
>
> One by one.
>
>
> 14. Why do elephants live in herds?
>
> To get a wholesale reduction on the shoes with yellow soles.
>
>
> 15. How do you smuggle an elephant across the border?
>
> Put a slice of bread on each side, and call him "lunch".
>
>
> 16. What do you do when an elephant comes through the window?
>
> Swim for it...
>
>
> 17. What has two grey legs and two brown legs?
>
> An elephant with diarrhea.
>
>
> 18. What do you give an elephant with diarrhea?
>
> Lots of room!
>
>
> 19. Every nation has to write a book about the Elephant:
> The French book - The Sex Life of the Elephant
> or: 1000 ways to cook Elephant
> The English book - Elephants I have shot on Safari
> The Welsh book - The Elephant and its influence on Welsh language
> and culture
> or: Oes ysgol tocynnau eleffant llanfairpwll nhadau coeden.
> The American book - How to Make Bigger And Better Elephants
> The Japanese book - How to Make Smaller And Cheaper Elephants
> The Greek book - How to Sell Elephants for a Lot of Money
> The Finnish book - What Do Elephants Think about Finnish People
> The German book - A Short Introduction to Elephants, Vol 1-6.
> The Icelandic book - Defrosting an Elephant
> The Swiss book - Switzerland: The Country Through Which Hannibal
> Went With His Elephants
> The Canadian book - Elephants: A Federal or State Issue?
> The Swedish book - How to reduce your taxes with an elephant.
>
>
> 20. Hickory Dickory Dock,
> An elephant ran up the clock,
> The clock is being repaired.
>
>
> 21. ELETELEPHONY
>
> once there was an elephant
> who tried to be a telephant;
> no no, I mean an elephone
> who tried to be a telephone.
> (Dear me I am not certain quite
> that even now i've got it right)
> how e'r it was he got his trunk
> entangled in the telephunk
> the more he tried to get it free,
> the louder buzzed the telephee.
> (i fear i'd better quit this song
> of elehop and telephong.)
>
>
> 22. Q: What's grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow,
> grey, yellow, grey, yellow?
> A: An elephant rolling down a hill with a daisy in its mouth!
>
>
> 23. Q: Why did the Elephant stand on the marshmellow?
> A: So she wouldn't fall in the hot chocolate.
>
>
> 24. Q: Why is an elephant big, grey, and wrinkly?
> A: Because, if it was small, white and smooth it would be an Aspirin.
>
>
> 25. Q: What's grey and white on the inside and red on the outside?
> A: An inside out elephant.
>
>
> 26. Q: What's grey and white on the inside and red and white on the
> outside?
> A: Campbell's Cream of Elephant soup.
>
>
> 27. Q: What is grey and not there.
> A: No elephants.
>
>
> 28. Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant?
> A: With a blue elephant gun, of course.
>
>
> 29. Q: How do you shoot a red elephant?
> A: No, not with a red elephant gun. You strangle him until he turns
> blue, and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.
>
>
> 30. Q: How do you shoot a green elephant?
> A: Tell him a dirty joke so he turns red, strangle him until he turns
> blue, and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.
>
>
> 31. Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
> A: There's no such thing as a yellow elephant, stupid!
>
>
> 32. Q: Why do elephants paint their balls red?
> A: So they can hide in cherry trees.
>
>
> 33. Q: What's the loudest noise in the jungle?
> A: Giraffes eating cherries.
>
>
> 34. Q: How did Tarzan die?
> A: Picking cherries.
>
>
> 35. Q: What's the fastest thing in the jungle?
> A: A monkey carrying a bunch of cherries.
>
>
> 36. Q: How do you get an elephant out of a tree?
> A: Stand it on a leaf and wait 'till Autumn.
>
>
> 37. Q: Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?
> A: Because it was dead.
>
>
> 38. Q: Why did the second elephant fall out of the tree?
> A: It was stapled to the first one.
>
>
> 39. Q: Why did the third elephant fall out of the tree?
> A: It thought it was a game.
>
>
> 40. Q: And why did the tree fall down?
> A: It thought it was an elephant.
>
>
> 41. Q: Why did the elephant cross the road?
> A: Chicken's day off.
>
>
> 42. Q: What's more difficult than getting a pregnant elephant in a VW
> bug?
> A: Getting an elephant pregnant in a VW bug.
>
>
> 43. Q. Why do elephants wear tiny green hats?
> A. To sneak across a pool table without being seen.
>
>
> 44. Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
> A: Bloody great holes all over Australia.
>
>
> 45. Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?
> A: Elephino.
>
>
> 46. Q: How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?
> A: Your nose is touching the ceiling.
>
>
> 47. Q: Why do elephants wear sandals?
> A: So that they don't sink in the sand.
>
>
> 48. Q: Why do ostriches stick their head in the ground?
> A: To look for the elephants who forgot to wear their sandals.
>
>
> 49. Q. What is the difference between an elephant and a blueberries?
> A. They're both blue, except for the elephant.
>
>
> 50. Q: Why are elephants feet shaped the way they are?
> A: To fit on lily pads.
>
>
> 51. Q: What is that stuff between elephants toes?
> A: Slow natives.
>
>
> 52. Q: Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow?
> A: So that they can hide upside-down in bowls of custard.
>
>
> 53. Q: Did you ever find an elephant in your custard?
> A: No? Well, it must work.
>
>
> 54. Q. Why do elephants have four feet?
> A. Because lady elephants have big twats.
>
>
> 55. Q: What do elephants use for tampons?
> A: Sheep.
>
> Q: Why do elephants have long trunks?
> A: Because sheep don't have strings.
>
>
> 56. Q: What do elephants use for condoms?
> A: Snakes.
>
>
> 57. Q: What do elephants use for vibrators?
> A: Epileptic pigmies.
>
>
> 58. Q: What is an elephant's sex organ?
> A: His foot... If he steps on you you're FUCKED!
>
>
> 59. Q: What do you call any elephant who is an expert on skin
> disorders?
> A: A pachydermatoligist.
>
>
> 60. Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a hooker?
> A: A two-ton pickup.
>
>
> 61. Q: What did the female elephant say during sex?
> A: "Can I be on top this time?"
>
>
> 62. Q: What did the elephant say to the nude man?
> A: Cute, but can you breathe through it?
>
>
> 63. Q: What is the height of ambition?
> A: An ant climbing an elephant's leg with the intention of rape.
>
>
> 64. Q: What's grey and puts out forest fires?
> A: Smokey the Elephant.
>
>
> 65. Q: What is beautiful, gray and wears glass slippers?
> A: Cinderelephant.
>
>
> 66. Q: What is the difference between a sorority girl and an elephant?
> A: About 40 lbs.
>
>
> 67. Q: How do you equalize the two?
> A: Feed the elephant.
>
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>
So thats how Texans spend sunday then LOL
Mercury.
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