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An elderly gentleman...
Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the =
doctor
and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids =
that
allowed the gentleman to hear 100%
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor
said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that =
you
can hear again."
The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet.
I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will
three times!"
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench
under a tree when
one turns to the other and says: "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm =
just
full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"
Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after =
eating,
the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to =
a
new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very =
highly."
The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"
The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of
that flower you give to someone you love?
You know... The one that's red and has thorns."
"Do you mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the =
kitchen
and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last
night?"
Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being =
discharged.
However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman
already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who
insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to
the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
"I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing =
out
of her hospital gown."
Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things.
During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, =
but
they might want to start writing things down to help them remember
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.
"Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asks.
"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" Sure!
"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she
asks. "No, I can remember it."
"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it
down, so's not to forget it?"
He says, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with
strawberries."
"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it =
down?" she asks.
Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! =
Ice
cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness =
sake!"
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes,
The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon
and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.
"Where's my toast ?"
A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
"So I hear you're getting married?"
"Yep!"
"Do I know her?"
"Nope!"
"This woman, is she good looking?"
"Not really."
"Is she a good cook?"
"Naw, she can't cook too well."
"Does she have lots of money?"
"Nope! Poor as a church
mouse."
"Well, then, is she good in bed?"
"I don't know."
"Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"
"Because she can still drive!"
Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
Second one says, "No, it's Thursday!"
Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."
A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It =
cost
me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbor . "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a
gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're =
really
doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be
cheerful.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; =
be
careful."
One more. . .!
A little old
man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly,
painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a =
banana
split.
The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
"No," he replied, "Arthritis."=20
--=20
Rolex
"May Dragons Fly Ever in your Dreams"
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<BODY>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>An =
elderly=20
gentleman...<BR>Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He =
went to=20
the doctor<BR>and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of =
hearing=20
aids that<BR>allowed the gentleman to hear 100%<BR>The elderly gentleman =
went=20
back in a month to the doctor and the doctor<BR>said, "Your hearing is =
perfect.=20
Your family must be really pleased that you<BR>can hear again."<BR>The =
gentleman=20
replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet.<BR>I just sit around and =
listen to=20
the conversations. I've changed my will<BR>three times!"</FONT></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement =
center were=20
sitting on a bench<BR>under a tree when<BR>one turns to the other and =
says:=20
"Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just<BR>full of aches and pains. I =
know=20
you're about my age. How do you feel?"<BR>Slim says, "I feel just like a =
newborn=20
baby."<BR>"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"<BR>"Yep. No hair, no teeth, =
and I=20
think I just wet my pants."</FONT></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>An elderly couple had dinner at another =
couple's=20
house, and after eating,<BR>the wives left the table and went into the=20
kitchen.<BR>The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we =
went=20
out to a<BR>new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it =
very=20
highly."<BR>The other man said, "What is the name of the =
restaurant?"<BR>The=20
first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name =
of<BR>that=20
flower you give to someone you love?<BR>You know... The one that's red =
and has=20
thorns."<BR>"Do you mean a rose?"<BR>"Yes, that's the one," replied the =
man. He=20
then turned towards the kitchen<BR>and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of =
that=20
restaurant we went to last<BR>night?"</FONT></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>Hospital regulations require a wheel =
chair for=20
patients being discharged.<BR>However, while working as a student nurse, =
I found=20
one elderly gentleman<BR>already dressed and sitting on the bed with a =
suitcase=20
at his feet, who<BR>insisted he didn't need my help to leave the=20
hospital.<BR>After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me =
wheel=20
him to<BR>the elevator.<BR>On the way down I asked him if his wife was =
meeting=20
him.<BR>"I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom =
changing=20
out<BR>of her hospital gown."</FONT></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>Couple in their nineties are both =
having problems=20
remembering things.<BR>During a checkup, the doctor tells them that =
they're=20
physically okay, but<BR>they might want to start writing things down to =
help=20
them remember<BR>Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets =
up from=20
his chair.<BR>"Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he =
asks.<BR>"Will you=20
get me a bowl of ice cream?" Sure!<BR>"Don't you =
think=20
you should write it down so you can remember it?" she<BR>asks. "No, I =
can=20
remember it."<BR>"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe =
you should=20
write it<BR>down, so's not to forget it?"<BR>He says, "I can remember =
that. You=20
want a bowl of ice cream with<BR>strawberries."<BR>"I'd also like =
whipped cream.=20
I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?" she asks.<BR>Irritated, =
he says,=20
"I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice<BR>cream with=20
strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!"<BR>Then =
he=20
toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes,<BR>The old man returns =
from=20
the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon<BR>and eggs. She stares =
at the=20
plate for a moment.<BR>"Where's my toast ?"</FONT></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>A senior citizen said to his =
eighty-year old=20
buddy:<BR>"So I hear you're getting married?"<BR>"Yep!"<BR>"Do I know=20
her?"<BR>"Nope!"<BR>"This woman, is she good looking?"<BR>"Not =
really."<BR>"Is=20
she a good cook?"<BR>"Naw, she can't cook too well."<BR>"Does she have =
lots of=20
money?"<BR>"Nope! Poor as a church<BR>mouse."<BR>"Well, then, is she =
good in=20
bed?"<BR>"I don't know."<BR>"Why in the world do you want to marry her=20
then?"<BR>"Because she can still drive!"</FONT></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>Three old guys are out =
walking.<BR>First one says,=20
"Windy, isn't it?"<BR>Second one says, "No, it's Thursday!"<BR>Third one =
says,=20
"So am I. Let's go get a beer."</FONT></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>A man was telling his neighbor, "I just =
bought a=20
new hearing aid. It cost<BR>me four thousand dollars, but it's state of =
the art.=20
It's perfect."<BR>"Really," answered the neighbor . "What kind is=20
it?"<BR>"Twelve thirty."</FONT></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the =
doctor to=20
get a physical.<BR>A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down =
the=20
street with a<BR>gorgeous young woman on his arm.<BR>A couple of days =
later, the=20
doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really<BR>doing great, aren't=20
you?"<BR>Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot =
mamma and=20
be<BR>cheerful.'"<BR>The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, =
'You've got a=20
heart murmur; be<BR>careful."</FONT></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>One more. . .!<BR>A little old<BR>man =
shuffled=20
slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly,<BR>painfully, =
up onto=20
a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a =
banana<BR>split.<BR>The=20
waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"<BR>"No," he replied, "Arthritis." =
</FONT></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><BR><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>-- <BR>Rolex<BR>"May Dragons Fly =
Ever in your=20
Dreams"</FONT></DIV></BODY></HTML>
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