| GRAB BAG [7.16.07] |
EasyNews, UseNet made Ea .. |
| ::darkshadows:: (bloody@mary.org) |
2007/07/16 13:10 |
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From: "::darkshadows::" <bloody@mary.org>
Newsgroups: alt.fan.rolex
Subject: GRAB BAG [7.16.07]
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Date: Mon, 16 Jul 2007 19:10:45 GMT
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JOKES:
How many body builders does it take to change a light bulb?
Nine. One to screw in the bulb while the other 8 hold up the mirrors.
---------------------------
The world was stunned by the news, this morning, of the death
of the Energizer Bunny. He was six years old.
Authorities believe that the death occurred at approximately
8:42PM last evening.
Best known as the irritating pink bunny that kept going and
going and going, "Pinkie" as he was known to his friends and
relatives, was alone at the time of his death.
An autopsy was performed early this morning. Chief medical
Examiner, Dura Cell, concluded that the cause of death was
acute cardiac arrest induced by sexual over-stimulation.
Apparently, someone had put Mr.Bunny's batteries in backwards,
and he kept coming, and coming and coming.....
-------------------------------
Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand,
clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for
their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time
standing up.
Roberts looks around and asks, "Now, who is going to tell the wife?"
They draw straws. Rippington, who is always a loser, picks the short
one.
They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation
any
worse than it is.
"Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet man you will ever meet.
Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me."
Rippington walks over to the Smith house and knocks on the door.
The wife answers and asks what he wants.
Rippington says, "Your husband just lost $500 playing cards."
She hollers, "TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!"
Rippington says, "I'll tell him."
=========================
STORIES:
MAKES YOU WONDER HOW THESE PEOPLE CAN SURVIVE !!!
A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her
floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When
inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was
shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a
credit card! number, so she was using the ATM
"thingy".
-----------------------------
A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking
frantically,
almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his
waist
towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the
deadly
current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm
in
two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his
Walkman.
=====================
QUOTES:
"... our elderly citizens walk down the darkest of alleyways!... and
the weak
and nerdy are admired for their computer programming abilities!..."
-- Homer Simpson
-------------------------
Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of
your life.
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for
a federal
anti-smoking campaign
------------------------
LIST
op 25 country songs
1. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth Cause I'm Kissing You Good-bye
2. I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
3. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
4. I Sold A Car To A Guy Who Stole My Girl, But It Don't Run So We're
Even
5. Mama Get A Hammer (There's A Fly On Daddy's Head)
6. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me
7. She's Actin' Single And I'm Drinkin' Doubles
8. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go away
9. I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
10. I Liked You Better Before I knew You So Well
11. I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better
12. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win
13. I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight
14. I'm So Miserable Without You; It's Like Having You Here
15. I've Got Tears In My Ears From Lying On My Back Cryin' Over You
16. If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now
17. My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love You
18. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Sure Do Miss Him
19. Please Bypass My Heart
20. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger
21. You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat
22. You're the Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly
23. Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
24. She's Looking Better After Every Beer
25. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With An Ugly Woman, But I Sure Woke Up
With a Few
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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