JOKES:
What's the difference between a drunk and an alcoholic?
A drunk doesn't have to go to those stupid meetings.
-----
Q: What do you get when you cross an Arab with a Mexican?
A: Oil of Ole'
-----
A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker
to inscribe on his
tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer." The
inscriber insisted that
such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to
think that three men
were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative: He
would inscribe, "Here
lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer. That way, whenever anyone
walked by the
tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "That's
Strange!"
-----
Doctor, the embarrassed man said, "I have a sexual problem. I
can't get it up for my wife anymore.
"Mr. Thomas, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see
what I can do."
The next day the worried fellow returned with his wife. "Take off
your clothes, Mrs. Thomas," the medic said. "Now turn all the
way around. Lie down please. Uh-huh, I see. Ok, you may put
your clothes back on."
The doctor took the husband aside. "You're in perfect health,"
he said. "Your wife didn't give me an erection either."
-----
Joe the lawyer died suddenly, at the age of 45. He got to the gates
of Heaven, and the angel standing there said, "We've been waiting a
long time for you."
"What do you mean," he replied, "I'm only 45, in the prime of my life.
Why did I have to die now?"
"45? You're not 45, you're 82," replied the angel.
"Wait a minute. If you think I'm 82 then you have the wrong guy.
I'm only 45. I can show you my birth certificate."
"Hold on. Let me go check," said the angel and disappeared inside.
After
a few minutes the angel returned. "Sorry, but by our records you are
82.
I checked all the hours you have billed your clients, and you have to
be 82..."
=====
STORY:
Back in the old days my Uncle Bucky bought a new
Model A Ford.The next morning he was on his way
to work and crashed into a car pulling out from
a side street. Being the witty person that he is,
he wrote a letter to the Ford Motor Company..
"I blew my horn, it did no good; and now I have a
busted hood". Two days later a delivery truck
arrived at his residence with a brand new hood.
=====
QUOTE:
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by
death.
=====
LIST:
Top Reasons God Created Eve
1. God worried that Adam would always be lost in the garden because
men hate to ask for
directions.
2. God knew that Adam would one day need someone to hand him the TV
remote.
(Men don't want to see what's ON television, they want to see WHAT
ELSE is on!)
3. God knew that Adam would never buy a new fig leaf when his seat
wore out and would
therefore need Eve to get one for him.
4. God knew that Adam would never make a doctor's appointment for
himself.
5. God knew that Adam would never remember which night was garbage
night.
6. God knew that if the world was to be populated, men would never be
able to handle
childbearing.
7. As "Keeper of the Garden," Adam would never remember where he put
his tools.
8. The scripture account of creation indicates Adam needed someone to
blame his
troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.
9. As the Bible says, "It is not good for man to be alone!"
10. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched
His head and
said, "I can do better than that."
=====
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