JOKES:
The local courtroom was packed as testimony began in the
sentencing hearing of a woman convicted of murdering her
husband of 20 years by poisoning his coffee.
The defense attorney knew he had his work cut out for him
trying to make his client appear more sympathetic to the
Judge, especially since she had been so "matter-of-fact"
about the whole thing all during the trial.
"Mrs. Roth," he began, "was there any point that morning
where you felt pity for your husband ?"
"Well... yeah... I guess..." she replied.
"And when was that?" pressed the attorney.
"Well...," she replied, "when he asked for his third cup."
----------------------
What is old, wrinkled, and hangs out your underwear?
Your Mother...
-------------------------
How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
From a catalogue.
-----------------------
How do you break a blonde's nose?
Place a dildo under a glass table!
-----------------------
Did you hear about the woman who only had two chances to get pregnant?
-She blew them both...
================
STORIES:
When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old
came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the
shower.
She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey,
remember
Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy." "I know," she replied, "but
what
is growing in your butt?"
---------------------------------
Norreen did a "Self-Judi" when meeting a business partner of
her husband. She was asked if she came from a large family.
"I said, no, the men are only about six feet tall and pretty thin."
---------------------------------
Reverend Billy Graham tells of a time early in his ministry
when he arrived in a small town to preach a sermon. Wanting
to mail a letter, he asked a young boy where the post office
was. When the boy had told him, Dr. Graham thanked him and
said, "If you'll come to the Baptist Church this evening,
you can hear me telling everyone how to get to heaven."
"I don't think I'll be there," the boy said.
"You don't even know where your way to the post office."
====================
POEM:
Dr. Seuss's Technical Manual
What If Dr. Seuss Did Technical Writing?
Here's an easy game to play.
Here's an easy thing to say:
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
Then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash!
You can't say this?
What a shame sir!
We'll find you
Another game sir.
If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss
So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!
When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risc,
Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM.
Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom!
=========================
QUOTES:
If a conservative is a liberal who's been mugged, a liberal is
a conservative who's been arrested.
--Tom Wolfe
-------------------------------
Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
--------------------------------
If at first you don't succeed -- give up! No use being a damn fool.
-----------------------------------
I gave my wife a new watch for her birthday . . . waterproof,
shockproof, unbreakable and anti-magnetic. Absolutely nothing
could happen to it. She lost it.
-Joey Adams
-------------------------------------
I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't
think something is wrong with me.
Elayne Boosler
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