| GRAB BAG [6.28.07] |
EasyNews, UseNet made Ea .. |
| ::darkshadows:: (bloody@mary.org) |
2007/06/28 14:10 |
JOKES:
How do you make a cat drink?
1 cat
2 lemons
Vodka
Mix then serve
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What is pink and moist and split in the middle?
A grapefruit!
[Not what you were thinking at all]
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Two men were changing in the locker room after a game of tennis. One
notices the other one is putting on pair of stockings and suspenders.
He says "When did you start wearing them?" To which the other man
replies "Since my wife found a pair on the back seat of the car."
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This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub when the
blonde said to her boyfriend, "Is it true that if you pull you finger
out, I'll sink?"
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Blondes dumb?!?!?
After many hours of extremely acrobatic and exhausting sex with a
blonde he had just picked up, a man goes into the kitchen for some
food
to replenish his justspent energy. He pours himself a glass of milk
and right before drinking it, he realizes his manhood is still pretty
hot,so he sticks it in the glass to cool it off. Just then the blonde
walks in and says, "Oh, I always wondered how you refilled those."
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The boss called one of his employees into the office. "Rob," he
said, "you've been with the company for a year. You started off
in the post room, one week later you were promoted to a sales
position, and one month after that you were promoted to district
manager of the sales department. Just four short months later,
you were promoted to vice- chairman. Now it's time for me to
retire, and I want you to take over the company. What do you
say to that?"
"Thanks," said the employee.
"Thanks?" the boss replied.a "Is that all you can say?"
"I suppose not," the employee said. "Thanks, Dad."
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STORIES:
Interesting trivia:
Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also
applies to undertakers; the sex organs of the deceased must be covered
with a brick or piece of wood at all times. (A brick?)
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An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered
his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which
required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers
exited, give a smile, and a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said
that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the
passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart
comment.
Finally everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady
walking
with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no
Ma'am," said the pilot, "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did
we
land or were we shot down?"
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A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's
final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up
tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family
member's death.
One smart ass student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?",
and the whole classroom burst into laughter. After the laughter had
subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse,
you can just use your other hand to write."
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POEM:
Here was a young man of Cape Horn,
Who wished he had never been born.
And he wouldn't have been,
If his father had seen
That the end of the rubber was torn.
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QUOTES:
The government never really goes into business, for it never makes
ends
meet. And that is the first requisite. It just mixes a little business
with a lot of politics and no one ever gets a chance to find out what
is
actually going on.
- Thomas Alva Edison
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You have the right to remain silent.... Anything you say will be
misquoted, then used against you.
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I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the
statues
that are in all the other museums.
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"Have you been to a zoo? I mean as a visitor?
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"Every cloud has a silver up the creek without a paddle horse."
-- A bunch of people, via Jason B. Standing,
Esq.
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"You're not playing klondike again are you?""No, it's a
hallucination.""Oh, ok. Put the 8 on the 9."
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