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From: "::darkshadows::" <bloody@mary.org>
Newsgroups: alt.fan.rolex
Subject: GRAB BAG [6.25.07] ------Showing Apis the way AGAIN
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Date: Mon, 25 Jun 2007 20:56:36 GMT
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EXERCISE FOR OLD FOLKS
Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of
room at each side. With a 5-lb potato sack in each hand, extend your
arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you
can.Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.
Each day, you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit
longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato sacks. Then
try
50-lb potato sacks and then eventually try to get to where you can
lift
a 100-lb potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more
than a full minute. (I'm at this level)
After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the
sacks and repeat exercise.
----------------------------------
A well respected surgeon was relaxing on his sofa one evening just
after
arriving home from work. As he was tuning into the evening news, the
phone
rang. The doctor calmly answered it and heard the familiar voice of a
colleague on the other end of the line.
"We need a fourth for poker," said the friend.
"I'll be right over," whispered the doctor.
As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, "Is it serious?"
"Oh yes, quite serious," said the doctor gravely.
"In fact, three doctors are there already!"
--------------------------------
A man comes into the ER and yells "My wife's going to have her baby in
the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's
dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that
there
are several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
--------------------------------
Want Ads:
Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!
-----------------------------
I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large
motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the
vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing
generally looked like an extra in "Twister". I asked
the manager what had happened. He told me that the
driver had set the "cruise control" and then went in
the back to make a sandwich.
------------------------------
A friend told me "I can understand why men don't like vasectomies.
My uncle got a vasectomy, and paid for it with MasterCard. He forgot
to pay the bill, and the finance company came over to his house and
knocked up my aunt."
-----------------------------
Two old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus. The buses
were running late, and a lot of time passed. Finally, one woman turned
to
the other and said, "You know, I've been sitting here so long, my butt
fell asleep!'.
The other woman turned to her and said "I know! I heard it snoring!"
----------------------------
Did you hear about the new paint on the market?
It's called Blonde. It's not very bright, but it spreads
easy!
----------------------------
Four nuns arrived at the gates of heaven. St. Peter makes the
inspection. The first one
says:"I have to confess, I held mans penis in one hand." St. Peter
says:"You see the bowl
of holy water, wash your hand and go in." The second says:"I have
to
confess, I held
mans penis in both hands." St. Peter:"Wash both your hands and go
in.
Suddenly the
other two start fighting, something terrible. St.Peter goes there,
pulls them apart, asks
*What's going on? One of them shouts I want to gargle, before she
washes her ass in
there.
==============================
QUOTES:
It is well to remember that the entire universe,
with one trifling exception, is composed of others.
- John Andrew Holmes
------------------------------
Eternal nothingness is okay if you're dressed for it.
Woody Allen in Getting Even
============================
POEM:
On the breasts of a barmaid named Gail
Was tattoo'd the price of her ale.
And for the sake of the blind
Upon her behind
Was the same information in Braille.
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