| GRAB BAG [6,21,07] |
EasyNews, UseNet made Ea .. |
| ::darkshadows:: (bloody@mary.org) |
2007/06/21 18:27 |
QUOTES:
"Now I understand why the post office puts up wanted posters for
robbers.
It just goes to prove the old saying that it takes one to know one"
- Mary Tyler Moore
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"Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the
thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones."
Mike Barfield.
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The English think soap is civilization.
- - - Heinrich von Treitschke
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* There was this lover who told his love that he would go through hell
for her. They got married - and now he is going through HELL!
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POEMS:
Modern Love Poem
A Trite Redundant Poem With a Laughable Excuse For a Structure
Addressed To Absolutely No One in Particular and Whose Only
Redeeming
Value is That It's Short
a.k.a. A Modern Love Poem
My dearest darling with long dark hair and eyes azure,
My love for you is eternal, tried, and sure.
I stare into the infinite depths of your eyes,
But I often find my gaze directed at your thighs.
Everyone appreciates your unsurpassed beauty and grace,
Your perfect supple form and enchanting face.
Some say beauty is fleeting, and boy do I agree.
Your personality sucks, so when you're 40, with you I will not be.
My sweet, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways...
One...uh...one...hmm...number one...gimme a chance... how about the
way your body sways?
Let me once more restate my love for you.
65% of the time, to you I'm true.
There is no other woman with whom I lay,
At least, not at this particular time of day.
My dear, you're absolutely the best.
How 'bout accompanying me to the next Centralfest?
(That is, unless I don't have another date)
The events that brought us together must have been fate.
I love you, I love you, I love you.
You're the greatest, Jenny, I mean Cherry, I mean Sue.
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He laid her on the table
So white clean and bare.
His forehead wet with beads of sweat
He rubbed her here and there.
He touched her neck and then her breast
And then drooling felt her thigh.
The slit was wet and all was set,
He gave a joyous cry.
The hole was wide... he looked inside
All was dark and murky.
He rubbed his hands and stretched his arms...
And then he stuffed the turkey.
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STORIES:
Horace Wells:
Pioneered the use of anesthesia in the 1840s
How he died: Used anesthetics to commit suicide
While experimenting with various gases during his anesthesia research,
Wells became addicted to chloroform. In 1848 he was arrested for
spraying
two women with sulfuric acid. In a letter he wrote from jail, he
blamed
chloroform for his problems, claiming that he'd gotten high before the
attack. Four days later he was found dead in his cell. He'd
anaesthetized
himself with chloroform and slashed open his thigh with a razor.
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Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a
night club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom
window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred
while Ms.Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies
room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000
and dental expenses.
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JOKES:
An eye-doctor was having his 40th birthday, and gathered lots
of friends and family in his house. His wife had made him a
surprise cake, and led her husband blindfolded to a table where
the cake was placed.
Eagerly the doctor removed and looked down on the cake, and
immediately burst into a crazed laughter, for there in front of
him was a huge cake, with 40 marzipan eyes!
The guest, asked him why he laughed, and after some minutes
of laughing and whipping his eyes, the doctor said:
"I'm just thinking of my buddy who will be 50 next week, who is
a gynecologist!"
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Boss, to four of his employees: "I'm really sorry,
but I'm going to have to let one of you go."
Black Employee: "I'm a protected minority."
Female Employee: "And I'm a woman."
Oldest Employee: "Fire me, buster, and I'll hit you with an
age discrimination suit so fast it'll make your head spin."
...To which they all turn to look at the helpless young,
white, male employee, who thinks a moment, then responds:
"I think I might be gay..."
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What have a blonde and a computer got in common?
You don't realize how much you miss them until they go down on you!
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Bob, an experienced sky diver, was getting ready for a jump one day
when he spotted another man outfitted to dive wearing dark glasses,
carrying a white cane and holding a seeing-eye dog by a leash. Shocked
that the blind man was also going to jump, Bob struck up a
conversation, expressing his admiration for the man's courage. Then,
curious, he asked, "How do you know when the ground is getting close?"
"Easy," replied the blind man. "The leash goes slack."
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