| Hunting an Elephant |
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| darkshadows (not@here.net) |
2007/05/26 13:52 |
Hunting an Elephant
Mathematicians hunt elephants by going to Africa, throwing out
everything that is not an elephant, and catching one of whatever is
left.
Experienced mathematicians will prove the existence of at least one
unique elephant and then leave the detection and capture of an actual
elephant as an exercise for their graduate students.
Computer programmers hunt elephants by exercising Algorithm A:
1. Go to Africa.
2. Start at the Cape of Good Hope.
3. Work northward in an orderly manner, traversing the continent
alternately east and west.
4. During each traverse pass,
a. Catch each animal seen.
b. Compare each animal caught to a known elephant.
c. Stop when a match is detected.
Experienced computer programmers modify Algorithm A by placing a known
elephant in Cairo to ensure that the algorithm will terminate.
Economists don't hunt elephants, but they believe that if elephants
are paid enough, they will hunt themselves.
Experienced economists never saw an elephant, but they try to hunt one
by controlling the interest rates.
Statisticians hunt the first gray animal they see N times and call it
an elephant.
Experienced statisticians add that there is a small probability that
the animal they hunted is a mouse.
Lawyers can let hunting a single elephant drag out for several years.
Experienced lawyers can make it last even longer.
Consultants don't hunt elephants, and many have never hunted anything
at all, but they can be hired by the hour to advise those people who
do.
Experienced consultants can also measure the correlation of hat size
and bullet color to the efficiency of elephant-hunting strategies, if
someone else will only identify the elephants.
Politicians don't hunt elephants, but they will share the elephants
you catch with the people who voted for them.
Experienced politicians take the elephant for themselves and blame the
press.
Managers set broad elephant-hunting policy based on the assumption
that elephants are just like field mice, but with deeper voices.
Experienced managers keep in the project file the advise that claims
that elephants are just like field mice.
Sales people don't hunt elephants but spend their time selling
elephants they haven't caught, for delivery two days before the season
opens.
Experienced sales people ship the first thing they catch and write up
an invoice for an elephant.
Computer sales people catch gray animals at random, and sell any one
of them weighs within plus or minus 15 percent of any previously
observed elephant.
Experienced computer sales people catch gray rabbits, and sell them as
desktop elephants.
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