| The Cynic's Guide to Life |
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| ::darkshadows:: (behind@u.org) |
2007/03/24 08:16 |
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Subject: The Cynic's Guide to Life
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Date: Sat, 24 Mar 2007 14:16:32 GMT
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The Cynic's Guide to Life
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a squeaking fan belt and a
leaky tire.
I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows. And a
foundation leaks and a ball game gets rained out and a car rusts
and...
Follow your dream. Unless it's the one where you're at work in your
underwear during a fire drill.
Always take time to stop and smell the roses... and sooner or later
you'll inhale a bee.
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead for I may
not follow. Do not walk beside me, either, just leave me alone.
If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take another
road. That's why the highway department made so many of them.
If a motorists cuts you off, just turn the other cheek. Nothings gets
the message across like a good mooning.
When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog
run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal the
neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
Each day I try to enjoy something from each of the four food groups:
the bon bon group, the salty-snack group, the caffeine group, and the
'thing-in-the-tinfoil-in-the-back-of-the-fridge' group.
Just remember... You gotta break some eggs to make a real mess on the
neighbor's car.
When you find yourself getting irritated with someone, try to remember
that all men are brothers... and just give them a noogie or an Indian
burn.
This morning I woke up to the unmistakable scent of pigs in a blanket.
That's the price you pay for letting the relatives say over.
Love is like a roller coaster. If you like it, you don't want to get
off, and when you don't... you can't wait to throw up.
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