| Hangover Ratings |
EasyNews, UseNet made Ea .. |
| behind (behind@u.org) |
2007/03/08 12:30 |
Path: news.nzbot.com!not-for-mail
From: behind@u.org
Newsgroups: alt.fan.rolex
Subject: Hangover Ratings
Message-ID: <aoo0v2lskbigl29ngv65eghafsr1jr1tp2@4ax.com>
X-Newsreader: Forte Agent 4.2/32.1117
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit
Lines: 64
X-Complaints-To: abuse@easynews.com
Organization: EasyNews, UseNet made Easy!
X-Complaints-Info: Please be sure to forward a copy of ALL headers otherwise we will be unable to process your complaint properly.
Date: Thu, 08 Mar 2007 19:30:07 GMT
Xref: news.nzbot.com alt.fan.rolex:3742
Hangover Ratings
Does any of this sound somewhat familiar?
1 star hangover *
No pain. No real feeling of illness.. Your sleep last night was a mere
disco nap which is giving you a whole lot of misplaced energy. Be glad
parched. You can drink 10 bottles of water and still feel this way.
Even vegetarians are craving a Cheeseburger and a side of fries.
2 star hangover **
Slight headache. Don't feel sick, but something is definitely amiss.
You may look okay but you have the attention span and mental capacity
of a stapler. The coffee you chug to try and remain focused is only
exacerbating your rumbling gut, which is craving a full English
breakfast. Last night has wreaked havoc on your bowels and even though
you have a nice demeanour about the office, you are costing your
employer valuable money because all you really can handle is aimlessly
surfing the net and writing junk e-mails.
3 star hangover ***
Definite headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely a space
cadet and so not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because
her perfume reminds you of the random gin shots you did with your
alcoholic friends after the bouncer kicked you out at 1:45 a.m. Life
would be better right now if you were in your bed with a dozen donuts
You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 2 Sausage Rolls and a
litre of diet coke - yet you haven't peed once.
4 star hangover ****
Your head is throbbing and you can't speak too quickly or else you
might honk. You have lost the will to live. Your boss has already
lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking
of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you
missed an oh-so crucial spot shaving, (girls, it looks like you put
your make-up on while riding the bumper cars), your teeth have
sweaters, your eyes look like one big vein
and your hair style makes you look like a reject from the class
picture of Moss side secondary school circa 1976. You would give a
weeks pay for one the following: 1. Home time, 2. A duvet and
somewhere to be alone, or 3. A time machine so you could go back and
NOT have gone out the night before.
5 star hangover (aka Dante's 4th Circle of Hell) *****
You have a second heartbeat in your head which is actually scaring the
employee who sits next to you. Death seems pretty good right now. You
can't focus as your eyes are scrunched up against the overpowering
glare from your computer screen Rancid vodka vapour is seeping out of
every pore, staining your shirt and making you dizzy. You still have
toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth, at least you think it's
toothpaste crust. You don't give a damn either way. Your body has lost
the ability to generate saliva and your tongue is suffocating you.
You'd cry but that would take the last of the moisture left in your
body. Talking is not an option. Your boss doesn't even get mad at you
and your co-workers think that your dog just died because you look so
pathetic. You should have called in sick because all you can manage to
do is breathe....very gently.
|
|
|