| Proxy Father |
EasyNews, UseNet made Ea .. |
| ::darkshadows:: (here@there.net) |
2007/02/11 16:00 |
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From: "::darkshadows::" <here@there.net>
Newsgroups: alt.fan.rolex
Subject: Proxy Father
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Date: Sun, 11 Feb 2007 23:00:17 GMT
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Proxy Father
The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start
their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith
kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon".
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer
rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
"Good morning madam. You don't know me, but I've come to...."
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.
"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty
of babies."
"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a
seat. Just where do we start?" asked Mrs. Smith, blushing.
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor
is fun too; you can really spread out."
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and
me."
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if
we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven
angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"I hope we can get this over with quickly," gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be
in and out in five minutes, but you'd be
disappointed with that, I'm sure."
"Don't I know!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of
his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus in downtown
London." "Oh my God!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her
handkerchief.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their
mother was so difficult to work with." The photographer handed Mrs.
Smith the picture.
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the
job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep,
pushing to get a good look."
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
"Yes," the photographer said. "And for more than three hours too. The
mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly
concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots.
Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment I just
packed it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your,
er..,um.., ah.... equipment?"
"That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so
that we can get to work."
"Tripod??" Mrs. Smith looked extremely worried now.
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big
for me to hold while I'm getting ready for action. Madam? Madam? Good
Lord, she's fainted!!
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