Successful Party Test
So, how do you tell if your throwing a successful, kick-ass, party?
Just take this quick and simple quiz to find out!
Festivity Level One
Your guests are sitting around chatting, nibbling the party food,
sipping their drinks. They are admiring your Christmas tree ornaments
and stand around the piano singing carols.
Festivity Level Two
Your guests are talking loudly, occasionally to one another. They
are wolfing down the food, gulping their drinks, rearranging your
Christmas ornaments and sitting on the piano singing "I Gotta Be Me."
Festivity Level Three
Your guests are holding conversations with inanimate objects,
gulping other peoples' drinks, wolfing down Christmas ornaments and
dancing around the piano shouting the words to "I Can't Get No
Satisfaction".
Festivity Level Four
Your guests, food smeared across their naked bodies, are capering
around the burning Christmas tree in some unholy ritual. The piano is
missing. Unless you rent your home, or own heavy firearms, you
generally don't want your parties operating above Level Three. The
true test of party success, however, is whether or not the police
arrive. If they do arrive, your job as host is to see that they don't
arrest anyone. If they are intent on arresting someone, your job is to
see that it isn't you. Following is an example of how to successfully
handle this situation.
Police: "We've come in response to the complaints."
You: "Complaints? It isn't about the drugs, is it?"
Police: "No, sir, not drugs."
You: "The guns, then? They're complaining about the guns?"
Police: "No, sir. It's about the noise."
You: "Oh, that's all right then. 'Cause there sure aren't any guns
or drugs here, heh heh."
[An explosion sounds somewhere behind you]
You: "Or fireworks either! The neighbors complained, did they?"
Police: "No, sir. The neighbors all fled inland hours ago. The
recent complaints have come from Kansas."
[At this point a Volkswagen Bug, painted in various arcane
symbols, roars out of the living room, down the hall past you and the
policemen, out into the front yard and into the nearest tree. Eight
naked bodies tumble out, moaning.]
You: "There, you see? It's winding down already."
|
|