Surefire Ways To Know You're A Woman...
You are a Bitch.
When asked 'Is something bothering you?' reply 'no' then get pissed
off when you are believed.
Become attracted to someone because he is outgoing and loves parties,
start dating him, and immediately expect him to stop this behavior..
Always take an hour longer than promised to prepare for the evening.
Always hide very important events in very unimportant terms so you can
have something to be pissed about when your boyfriend declines because
he has pressing business, i.e. You say 'It's no big deal, but I was
wondering if you would like to visit my parents with me if you are not
busy this weekend.' when you mean 'It means a great deal to me for you
to see my family with me this weekend whether or not it is possible!'
Whine
If you are trying to sleep, it's because you're exhausted from your
almost superhuman level of daily achievement; if he is trying to sleep
it's because he is lazy.
No matter what the activity, he doesn't do it as well as a past
boyfriend.
If he pays attention to you, he is smothering you.
If he gives you space, he is ignoring you.
Complain
Hate any bar he likes
Demand to be treated as an equal in everything - except when paying
for meals, airplane tickets, concerts, beers, clothes, etc. - these
are required gifts proving his love.
Declare PMS at any given time. If he is knowledgeable about your
cycle, tell him you're irregular from all the stress of your life.
Remember that ANY woman who so much as stares at your boyfriend must
be labeled a WHORE and your network of friends must be informed
immediately to spread this as quick as possible.
Make his life miserable by making him feel guilty about doing anything
other than catering to your needs.
Break into tears for no apparent reason.
Ask for help in some endeavor then become livid when it is given.
Insinuate yourself into your boyfriend's group of friends, break up
with him, then make sure you are present at every gathering for the
next month just to rub it in.
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