| 12 Days of Christmas |
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| Rolex (rolex@astraweb.com) |
2006/12/17 11:22 |
12 Days of Christmas - Gifts By Mail
Day 1:
Dearest Richard:
I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear
tree. What a thoroughly delightful gift. I couldn't have been more
surprised.
With deepest love and devotion,
Gwen
Day 2:
Dearest Richard:
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine two turtle
doves. I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just
adorable.
All my love,
Gwen
Day 3:
Dearest Richard:
Oh! Aren't you the extravagant one. Now I really must protest. I don't
deserve such generosity - three French hens! They are just darling but I
must insist, you've been too kind.
Love,
Gwen
Day 4:
Dear Richard,
Today the postman delivered 4 calling birds. Now really, they are beautiful
but don't you think enough is enough. You're being too romantic.
Affectionately,
Gwen
Day 5:
Dearest Richard:
What a surprise. Today the postman delivered 5 golden rings. one for every
finger. You're just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, all those birds
squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.
All my love,
Gwen
Day 6:
Dear Richard:
When I opened the door there were actually 6 geese a-laying on my front
steps. So, you're back to the birds again, huh? Those geese are huge. Where
will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I can't sleep
through the racket. Please stop.
Cordially,
Gwen
Day 7:
Richard:
What's with you and those frigging birds? 7 swans a-swimming. What kind of
joe-k is this? There's bird crap all over the house, and they never stop
with the racket. I can't sleep at night and I'm a nervous wreck. It's not
funny. So stop with those blasted birds.
Sincerely,
Gwen
Day 8:
O.K. Buster:
I think I prefer the birds. What the world am I going to do with 8 maids
a-milking? It's not enough with all those birds and 8 maids a-milking, but
they had to bring their own darned cows. There is crap all over the lawn and
I can't move in my own house.
Just lay off me, smart guy.
Gwen
Day 9:
Hey!
What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there's 9 pipers playing. And boy do
they play - they've never stopped chasing those maids since they got here
yesterday morning. The cows are getting upset, and they're stepping all over
those screeching birds. What am I going to do? The neighbours have started a
petition to evict me.
You'll get yours.
Gwen
Day 10:
You Snake,
Now there's 10 ladies dancing. I don't know why I call them ladies - they've
been fooling around with those pipers all night long. Now the cows can't
sleep and they've got diarrhea. My living room is a river of crap. The
Commissioner of Buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why this building
shouldn't be condemned. I'm sicking the police on you.
One who means it.
Day 11:
Listen! Twitovalve,
What's with the 11 lords a-leaping on those maids and ladies. Some of those
broads will never walk again. Those pipers ran through the maids and have
been eyeing the cows. All 23 of the birds are dead - they've been trampled
to death. I hope you're satisfied, you rotten, vicious swine.
Your sworn enemy,
Gwen
Day 12:
Dear Sir:
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of 12 fiddlers fiddling which you
have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Gwen McCallister. The
destruction, of course, was total. All correspondence should come to our
attention. If you should attempt to reach Miss McCallister at Happy Dale
Sanitarium, the attendants have instructions to shoot you on sight. With
this letter please find attached warrant for you arrest.
Cordially,
Badger, Pester and Billem
Federal Criminal Defense Attorneys
--
Rolex
"May Dragons Fly Ever in your Dreams"
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